I couldn’t make this up if I tried. The following is actual copy for Anti-Masturbation Gum or Cream if you prefer to cheat a little….
“Do you struggle with uncontrollable urges? Do you risk death when driving by being unable to keep your hands where they belong? Your days of uncontrollable touching, stroking, rubbing or whatever term you like are over. Say goodbye to calloused and rug burned skin with the careful use of any of these anti masturbation products.
Anti-masturbation gum is preferred by many due to its ability to be used at any time no matter where you are. It has a quick response time so if you’re suddenly plagued by those old standby feelings you can put an immediate stop to them. Your days of embarrassing agony are gone forever as long as you keep a fresh pack of anti-masturbation gum in your pocket at all times.
For a more immediate approach you can use Handz Off anti-masturbation cream. This particular product not only gives an instant relief it also offers a controlled option that allows you to slowly stop rubbing one out. When applying this product try not to massage this cream in for more than 5 minutes, this can actually dull the anti-masturbating ingredients and can in fact be considered masturbation cheating.
For continuous relief from masturbation urges you can use the new Handz Off anti masturbation car deodorant. Simply hand the deodorizer from your visor and you’ll have a constant fragrance distribution that’s known to prevent any masturbating urges from appearing. This can be very beneficial in protecting your life and lives of others while you’re driving as masturbating while driving can be distracting and dangerous. Always remember don’t masturbate and drive.”
Are you kidding me! This has to be a joke; I found it advertised on Amazon, but they are currently out of stock. A British website is also out of stock and apologizes that the product is now discontinued – they did how ever have a price posted of .99. Worse still – it’s made in Canada. Holy crap, my head hurts.