Please Don’t Buy Me Flowers

I saw 16 men in line at Safeway today, each one held nothing but a bouquet of flowers. Clearly a frantic solution to the Valentines problem as they made their way home from work. Closer scrutiny revealed a few carried heart shaped cakes; a red aluminum pan with plastic teddy bear or heart decal pressed into industrial icing.Β These men were hedging their bets, covering all perceived bases just to be sure their partners wouldn’t sulk for the rest of the night.

It isn’t my intention to make anyone feel bad or judge parameters of other peoples relationships; all I can do is speak for myself when I say “please don’t buy me flowers”. I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day. I would feel dreadful if my husband were one of those men in the Safeway line. In fact, it would leave me feeling hollow if “love” ever disintegrated to the point of obligation on one pre-determined day every year.

I’m not being cynical or critical – simply admitting my astonishment at a marketing bonanza. Forgive my lack of enthusiasm for this prescribed day of love. I can’t help being who I am, I can’t shake this feeling of sympathy for those men scrambling to fulfill perceived obligations.

My husband will come home from work on a random Tuesday with flowers – no reason at all. Not because we bickered the night before, not because it’s my birthday or our anniversary – simply because. After almost 32 years of marriage it still blows me away. Unexpected, heartfelt; flowers that mean something rather than flowers society pressured him to buy on February 14. Those flowers say “I love you” – Valentine’s flowers say “I had to – hope you’re happy”.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

You don't have to be a gourmet chef to put together a delicious Valentine's Day dinner.

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21 thoughts on “Please Don’t Buy Me Flowers

  1. Hear hear. My thoughts exactly. I avoid valentine dinner specials (i.e. $++) not because I don’t love my wife but because I refuse to subscribe to the idea that you demonstrate this on the 14th of Feb and wedding anniversaries.

    Happy Valentine πŸ™‚

    • When I wrote this post I thought I was going to offend the masses. Thank goodness there are sensible and like minded people :)If after 32 years with my husband, if I got the obligatory flowers once a year, I would feel mighty empty inside.

  2. True Story:
    In the early days of our marriage I used to own a hairdressing salon in a suburb near by and two doors away was a florist. I used to love to simply pause for a few moments outside the open door and inhale. I love the smell of florist shops.
    Anyhow, I am not normally a ‘flower-buying’ type of feller, but the first week we opened I popped to the florist to purchase a large bouquet for the missus.

    What flowers would you like, sir, I was asked.
    I shrugged, and replied, don’t know, something nice. Roses perhaps ( really imaginative, right?) ..or some of those over there..
    What is the occasion, asked the florist, birthday, anniversary.
    Nothing really just fancy buying the wife some flowers.
    Oh…what did you do wrong, she asked in all seriousness with a perfectly straight face?
    I don’t think I have bought the wife flowers since.
    But I do cut flowers from the garden fairly often!

  3. Bravo to you and your husband for resisting the “Madison Avenue” lifestyle. It took me a few years but i have finally convinced lovely wife that we do not have to follow the instructions of outside forces to profess our love for one another.

  4. i agree with u Not 100% but 200%.
    Its all so fake and men brag abt how much they spend for their loved one
    Did u know that Valentine is for secret loves!! and they turned it as a comemrcial thing Buy buy buy The flowershop is the only winner in this.
    and the restaurants also. And im not judging but but its just the way i think abt this day.

    • I pity men in this situation more than women. Men are expected to shell out – greedy, self absorbed women waiting to unleash hysterics if their partner doesn’t tow the line. Yikes πŸ™‚

    • I can’t recall where I read or heard this but years ago was told that in Japan Valentines Day is KFC (as in Kentucky Fried Chicken) day. Will have to research this one – ponder Japanese buying chicken certainly makes me smile πŸ™‚

  5. Totally with you up to the last paragraph. I’m allergic to tokens of love on any day – total aromantic for gestures. I don’t get why women want flowers either. I mean they’re lovely enough in the ground, but I feel no urge to remove them and put in a house. Seems cruel and counter productive, like caging birds.

      • Didn’t mean to attempt to demean any ‘gesture’. I find it odd that I’m missing so many clearly standard female characteristics. I hate shopping, don’t understand the appeal of lady magazines and have no high heel shoes. The world is confusing. πŸ™‚

      • Don’t fret. I hate chocolate, have no interest in shoes, would have my head examined if it ever crossed my mind to apply fake nails, drink beer not wine and not one of my purses (of which I own 2) match my shoes. πŸ™‚

  6. Isn’t if funny that ‘society’ has progressed to the point that there can be the routine supposition that flowers or candy are only warranted because one has done something wrong, rather than being an anytime expression of appreciation!

    There are so many ways to say “I care” or “thank you” or “You make my liver quiver” but so many people seem to couple for so many of the wrong reasons that any concept that it might be nice to just express yourself anytime might be a good idea seems bizarre.

    I’ve never understood the power of advertising. I mean why do beer companies advertise beer at sporting events — it’s not like there’s a huge move away from beer taking place among sports fans — so why waste the money advertising to a captive audience.

    But then I’m independent and I don’t buy into a lot of advertising.

    And just maybe the followers who outnumber the leaders need to be told what to do. That’s such a sad thing to realize. That people actually pay attention to advertising and do things because they are told to do them….

    I think I need a good hefty drink after this ponder. That’s depressing!

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