Godzilla Nap

Above all, movie making is business. Forget estimated return or quarterly projections – movies require high stakes rollers, nerves of steel and considerable faith on the part of those holding purse strings. A designation of “critically acclaimed” may shine on a resume, “blockbuster” delivers a pot of gold.

Blockbusters are sneaky – gross revenue over opening weekend are usually enough to stamp “winner” on the foreheads of ticket buying masses. The “masses” seem easy to feed these days – super heroes, teen fantasy angst, and lets not forget 3D. I have a big problem with 3D .

3D epitomizes the attention deficit dumbing down of society. It is the carrot responsible for turning fence sitters into ticket buyers – an undeniable pitch aimed squarely at those who can’t fathom life without technological baubles.

I knew upon purchasing a ticket to Godzilla 2014 – those 3D glasses negated the possibility of clever storytelling. I thought about 3D Godzilla back in the day – small town Saturday matinee Godzilla would have kicked ass with 3D enhancement. Brief pondering of how “big movie” ignored the memo on “everything old is not new again” or 3D was actually cool when all we had to fiddle with were rabbit ears on the old black and white television, came to a screeching halt. I couldn’t say whether the culprit was a moment of “when did you turn into such an old woman” or the relentless chirps of a woman on the screen urging the audience to download a theater app to play a fun game of movie trivia for “high score” glory.

Telling myself to lighten up, I ran Godzilla scenarios through my head. Wouldn’t it be cool if they got over themselves and made Godzilla one of Buckaroo Banzai’s Hong Kong Cavaliers? It was perfect! Terrible monster meets retro cult classic. Computer generated effects and predictable 3D fluff would have been forgivable – I’ll go out on a limb and say these effects could have enhanced, maybe even embellished a little creativity.

Nobody knows who Buckaroo Banzai is, why waste energy achieving genuine accolades when all it takes is a pair of 3D glasses.  Popcorn gone I started to drift – not certain how long I napped, I know it happened somewhere between the supposed hero saving a stereotypical Japanese boy on the subway and Godzilla dispatching actual bad monsters.

Godzilla is a terrible movie. 3D for the sake of 3D is lazy, unimaginative and responsible for my nap.