I Hate Turkey

Hate is a big word, temper that to strong dislike. Strictly a holiday meal, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter demand roast Turkey and all the fixings. Nobody plans a dinner party in May with “hey, a Turkey would be great”.

The idea of Turkey eclipses reality. There’s a reason we say “I hope it’s not dry” – everyone knows it will be. Turkey requires gravy, cranberry sauce, or mayonnaise once it lands in a sandwich. Families believe size matters, holiday Turkeys linger for days. Soup is Turkey’s greatest gift, immersing that carcass in water means the end of Turkey for another year.

Restricting Turkey to once a year wasn’t easy. I blame myself, stuffing is practically a food group in my home. Nothing fancy, half bread, half sausage meat, onion, celery, and sage. Preparing copious amounts, even though the “cavity” only holds a few cups is lost on my family. I’ve tried to explain stuffing can be served anytime, pointing out almost all the stuffing is baked far from the demon Turkey. No good.

All day “don’t overcook it”, “I hope it’s not dry”, “are you watching the bird”. It’s a damn Turkey! Have you ever had one that melts in your mouth? Turkey is an obligation, if it rocked our world we’d be roasting them all year long.

12 thoughts on “I Hate Turkey

  1. As far as I can tell; everyone hates turkey. My 90 year old English mother-in-law insists that Christmas without turkey is no Christmas. She will then criticize the quality of the turkey; predict that it will be dry and proceed to eat one fork full. This will be followed by “Oh, what are we going to do with all that turkey” and ” we’ll be eating for the rest of the week”. I’ve stopped trying to please her years ago and she’ll get whatever I fancy at the time. It is easier to handle the “Well, it’s no Christmas without turkey” than all the other turkey crap.

  2. I have to disagree…..I´m off the rocker then, I would eat turkey every day, except here in Spain it cost´s too much plus you can´t find it. Chicken is the only similarity to it. Both have wings I guess, but I´d eat it dry bad meat any day of the week.

  3. Hey, now wait just one turkey plucking minute. I LOVE turkey. If I could find turkey PARTS that weren’t injected with brine and other chemicals I’d probably have it 1x a month! As it is we still have to get a hunka turkey to cook a few times a year.

    As a long time resident of Wisconsin — a state that not only grows copious amounts of cranberries but also the home of Jerome foods which can (at the appropriate time of year) produce up to 1 million birds per week) I have to say I am sorely disappointed in you. Are you sure you haven’t been bitten by one of those black widow spiders and your brain is reeling from the power of strong venom? Or maybe you have been looking into the stars too much and you’re suffering some kind of radiation poisoning… perhaps cosmic gasses have altered your reality?
    I dunno…..
    Raise the flag of the Turkey Republic, Long may it wave.

  4. Missed that one Notes.
    Thanks for the reblog.

    Delicious post.

    I hate turkey also.
    I know turkeys hate human beings.
    About being dry?
    This is why they get back at us for eating them.

  5. I know I commented last time you posted this, but after this year’s barbecued turkey I have to say I have a new favorite! Mike — my son-in-law — grilled the whole bird on his Weber and I have to say it was perfect. MOIST, well seasoned, scrumptious. Maybe you ought to try cooking your bird on a Weber grill next time……
    Just trying to be helpful.

    (BTW — you’re right about stuffing being it’s own food group.)

      • Mike has been going for pain management shots (don’t understand exactly how they are supposed to work) I believe he has had 4 treatments and he’s finding SOME limited benefit. If I understand correctly the doctor is telling him that the benefit will come more after a few more treatments — but at this point anything is a help.

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