Oh man, where to even begin. How to ponder a topic that’s equal parts hysterical and tragic social commentary. Forget legal or religious implications – it’s taking every ounce of intestinal fortitude to resist clever slogans. Stoic resolve is of little consequence – faced with images of McJesus, I find myself smirking rather than focusing on a truly astounding nugget of mankind’s absurdity.

Who knew church branding agencies existed? Sure smarty pants – think about it after the fact , it makes total sense. If not for being an oblivious fifty something nincompoop, a person chained by parameters of middle aged foolery, I might have possessed the faculties to anticipate the very concept responsible for this state of blithering astonishment.

Paul Di Lucca, a creative director at church branding agency Lux Dei Agency had a epiphany – open McDonald restaurants in places of worship and people will come. In a nutshell, Di Lucca launched a IndieGoGo fund raising appeal on Nov.17 with a goal of $1 million dollars by January 16, 2015. Di Lucca argues low attendance could be reversed by operating “iconic” and profitable beacons of consumerism within the confines of God’s tired, neglected halls. Never mind it’s been almost 2 weeks and $242.00 is all he has to show for it (see link below) – my church branding radar screams McJesus, there’s no turning back.

“It’s time for churches to engage with entrepreneurship,” writes the group on its IndieGoGo site. “By combining a church and a McDonald’s we can create a self-sustaining, community-engaged, popular church, and an unparalleled McDonald’s restaurant.”

I attempt rational pondering, then see Jesus handing out Big Macs to a chorus of angels singing “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun”. I scream “grow up you imbecile” attempting to nail his “order” at the last supper.Just when I think it’s out of my system – I dissolve in puddles of mirth as Hamburgler and Ronald McDonald morph into stylized Renaissance cherubs. With all due respect – stop, I can’t take it – the day religion hires a publicist, is the day religion ought to wake up and see the writing on the wall.

11 thoughts on “McMass

    • Unrelated, yet relevant because my sick old mind won’t stop …

      A few years ago I stood in line at a busy McDonalds (don’t judge) A young man took his turn in line and asked the cashier to speak with the Hamburgler. Stunned cashier found enough composure to try and explain the Hamburgler was a character from television commercials. Unfazed, dead-pan, and calmly persistent – young man once again politely requested to speak with Hamburgler. Without blinking an eye or breaking character, he insisted she call a manager. Hasty cashier retreat, excited exchange of hushed toned bewilderment with management, it was round two. Manager attempted reason, lost his shit in the face of unquestionably the greatest display of unbroken determination on the part of young man, finally threatening to call police. Unflappable young man looked confused “why are you calling police when all I’m asking is to speak to the Hamburgler?” The encounter unfolded in the span of about 5 minutes – 5 of the most surreal minutes in my life – it was brilliant! 5 minutes that ended when young man sorted inaudibly, shrugged his shoulders and left the restaurant.

      Not sure what point I’m making 🙂

  1. Such a silly post and yet such a serious point.
    You may not be old enough but, I remember a time before hospitals and schools of higher education did not advertise. Their soul purpose was to heal and to educate. Much less expensive prior to profit became their primary goals.
    Think maybe i will stop by for some Holy cow burgers today 😉

  2. Now that’s just disgusting — the branding, not your Ponder.

    Which is why I gave up on religions — I have faith, but the moment you begin to organize something your purposes are forever split between your ideals and the desire to perpetuate your organization.


    Particularly annoying at this season……

    Thanks for bringing it to our attention…. I think. 🙂

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