I Don’t Like This Spider

An understanding exists between myself and spiders – polite spiders can stay, uppity wanderers are shown the garden. This spring I said “welcome back” for the third year to a well mannered black widow who fancies a vent in the frame of my bathroom window. Several weeks ago a small widow moved to a quiet plot beneath the bedroom window frame. The epitome of graceful respect, the world would be a better place if all house spiders took a page from the widow book.

Clearly spiders will be spiders, just as some people grind my last nerve, certain spiders are oblivious to matters of decorum. Of course spiders don’tย  conceptualize cause and effect, driven by instinct they go about their merry way without cumbersome moral restraint.

Household spider sightings elicit urgent requests for immediate dispatch of arachnid horrors. At my discretion they’re shown the door, catch and release is the avenue of choice for cheeky spiders. “Off you go, stay in this lovely garden” usually solves the problem. Calm resolve ends the crisis in all but one situation. No quarrel exists with behemoth basement spiders or errant wolf spiders, the demon pictured bellow is another matter.

The photograph is lousy (taken in haste on my cell phone), I have no idea what kind of spider it is, all I can tell you – I don’t like this spider. It receives no mercy. Night after night it taunts me with unpredictable actions and glassy eyed defiance. Lurking under my pillow, uttering taunts from ceiling, wall and blinds, laughing brazenly when opening a drawer. Much as I want to say “out the door you rascal”, relentless bullying forces “take that you little shit” as I squash it in a tissue. I don’t like this spider.

2016-04-21 22.33.46

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7 thoughts on “I Don’t Like This Spider

  1. Spiders have been around a lot longer than we have, and they’re good at their job, obviously. I did once hear the theory that because so many people are afraid of them, arachnids are actually not terrestrial in origin. I’d take that under advisement. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Your comment made me chuckle – you of all people know a widow when you see one.Kudos for not blurting “that’s not a widow you fool” I’ll revisit the ponder and make myself clear. I have no idea which spider this is, it bears no resemblance whatsoever to widows. My tolerance is infinite for all spiders except this demon – body sections look more like an earwig, impossibly black eyes taunt from translucent poles at one end, the other end resembles the bum of an anorexic bee.Haven’t a clue what it is but I don’t like this spider!

      • Peeked at your link – nope, not related to my loathsome spider. But for 8 legs, my spider would be out of the club. It sits oddly flat, legs don’t bend in the middle like spider legs should. It’s a bizarrely flat insect – big or small (largest I’ve seen was about an inch) its most remarkable characteristic is glossy black eyes. Before dispatching the next intruder I’ll try to photograph it properly. Off to check on the polite widow under the windowsill….

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