Junior Trump Elephant Tail

It seems Donald Trump’s sons Eric and Donald Jr. fancy themselves big game hunters.

Pompous buffoon Donald Jr. posted on Twitter –

“I’m a hunter, for that I make no apologies,” Donald Trump Jr. said on Twitter. “I can assure you it was not wasteful the villagers were so happy for the meat which they don’t often get to eat,” he later added.


Expelling  mouthfuls of Donald Jr. Tweet vomit led to accepting the obvious – these people exist in a bubble, so far removed from reality as to consider their actions honorable. “Villagers were so happy for the meat which they don’t often get to eat”, I’m not sure which is worse – believing this crock of shit absolves them of guilt, or expecting us to admire clown antics of pretentious Trump princes.

Look at this moron. Donald Jr. mustering his very best Rambo, insipid little rich boy playing big man with his impeccable khakis, hunting knife, bullet belt and elephant tail trophy. What an asshole.


How To Make An Impression

What a strange day. Work started at 8:30 am – 70th birthday party for the father of a repeat client,  booked by a woman insisting I personally handle festivities. Truth is lasting impressions are common, I’m good at my job. Meeting hundreds of clients a year, committing each name to memory isn’t a priority. No worries, if greeting her face to face doesn’t kindle a spark she won’t suspect otherwise.

A genuine “hello, so nice to see you ” left my lips. “How long has it been?”. She answered – “eleven months, let me find my husband and children, I want you to see the baby” – oh man, just enough time for a love my job happy dance. Off she went, oblivious to her place on my impression list.

Eleven months ago she booked a “birthday” party – 70 guests, generous selection of stationed cocktail reception food, birthday cake – standard family party. A heads up regarding relevant details would have been nice. “Guests 5-7 pm” isn’t the same as “you can’t serve anyone until the Rabbi circumcises my son, blesses the food and breaks bread”. OK – good to know.

Adaptability is my middle name – hardly the first, certainly not the last event to stray off course, but what impressed client to ask for me by name almost a year later? Bah, doesn’t matter! Her name meant n0thing, seeing her delivered – “pinch me now, it doesn’t  get better than this!”

I wonder if she knows our first encounter is legendary? Not for omitting details of the Bris – in my line of work that’s another day at the office. Her legend wasn’t born during the party, it grew from something left behind.

If ever in doubt as to how to make a impression, let me assure you – a coffee cup of foreskin and bloody gauze will suffice. No point in calling out “excuse me, you forgot something”, goodbye pleasantries had been exchanged. Standing alone, cup of foreskin in hand, several thoughts came to mind. Was this usual practice? An oversight? Might they return in panicked haste to retrieve it?

Twenty minutes clean up, one minor detail before walking out the door. Tossing coffee cup in the garbage bin, I drove away pondering the absurdity of  believing it socially acceptable to leave the caterer a cup of bloody gauze and snipped bits. Regardless, I made a positive impression, an imprint void of coffee cup acknowledgements or comprehension of the lasting impression stamped on me.






Revisiting Across The Universe

Julie Taymor’s 2007 musical masterpiece Across The Universe dominates my top ten list. Never before or since have I left a theatre  wearing unabashed joy from ear to ear. Gob smacked patrons bound by a collective aura of measurable energy, stepped out with enlightened strides of purpose. Wikipedia link below details the premise, misses the magic –


ATU opens with soft footsteps – a love story set in 1960’s America, unknown actors singing Beatles songs. Captivated by cinematography and stunning Beatles covers, audience members barely notice Taymor’s seamless punch of trans formative anti war and civil rights protest. Riveted to our seats, witness to the glaring relevance of Vietnam era America in our modern world. Brilliant. If you haven’t seen it, make a point of seeking it out. I get goosebumps watching this –



40th And 47th

Today, July 20 marks anniversaries of two cosmic milestones. The 40th anniversary of Viking 1’s historic first landing on Mars, 47 years to the day since Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong landed Apollo 11 on the Moon. Apollo 11 served the Sea of Tranquility to wide eyed witnesses of science eclipsing fiction. In my life nothing technology has to offer comes close to emotions evoked by the dawn of space exploration. I consider every modern marvel a product of humanity’s quest to unravel our universe.

The world watched on television as Neil Armstrong took the first steps on the moon's surface on July 20, 1969. It was the first time humans walked another world. As he stepped onto the lunar surface, Armstrong said,

The world watched on television as Neil Armstrong took the first steps on the moon’s surface on July 20, 1969. It was the first time humans walked another world. As he stepped onto the lunar surface, Armstrong said, “That is one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.”

View full image. | First photograph ever taken from surface of Mars, by the Viking 1 lander shortly after it touched down on July 20, 1976. Image via NASA.

View full image. | First photograph ever taken from Mars’ surface, by Viking 1 shortly after it landed on July 20, 1976. One of the lander’s footpads is seen at the lower right. Image via NASA.

For the next three and a half minutes ponder The Most Astounding Fact by Neil deGrasse Tyson –

Fat Deck Widow

Last night I met the biggest baddest Black Widow spider. In polite residence behind a flower pot, she exhibited outrage when my broom swept her onto the deck. Stopped in my tracks, this was no ordinary widow. Reflex trumped reason, instinct called for capture. There I stood, mesmerized by the cup of deck widow in my hand. Behemoth is an understatement, abdomens of bedroom, kitchen and basement widows combined wouldn’t equal the girth of deck widow’s belly. Now what?

Couldn’t say how much time lapsed between scrutinizing her magnificence and impulsively running downstairs to show my husband. ” Caught the biggest widow I’ve ever seen” – no match for “Are you crazy? Kill it!”. What was I thinking – he’s snakes I’m spiders, together we have it covered and obviously the two will never meet. “Relax, I’ll take care of it”.

Logically, deck widow needed a new home. Not all arachnids can be trusted, sometimes spiders call for catch and release. Cup in hand I crossed the street, depositing deck widow on the sidewalk for one last look.  The couple walking their dog couldn’t hide assumptions I was out of my mind. Intent on capturing photos with my phone, they didn’t ask, nor did I explain deck widow was one bad ass spider.

2016-07-18 20.58.50

Define “Great”

Donald Trump’s presidential aspirations march to the beat of “make America great again”. Pardon my ignorance but which model of American greatness does Trump pine for? Does he yearn for America before the civil rights movement ruined everything? Was America great when African Americans knew their place? Might America have been great when entitled white boys avoided the Vietnam draft, conspicuously absent while America forced countless impoverished white and minority citizens to die fighting a pointless war? Did the torch of greatness wane when dastardly liberals insisted women deserve equal pay for equal work?

Wait a minute – I’ll ask a Trump supporter on Quora, Quora’s strict moderation demands polite sincerity, all I need is a straight answer. Oh crap, what was I thinking? America was “great” before Barrack Obama, Obama ruined everything America holds dear. WTF you raving Trump supporter lunatic! I’m dangerously worked up – read this explanation of America’s lost greatness and feel my pain ….

“Its logical to say that America didn’t stop being “great” in one day, right? Therefore there technically wasn’t a date when is stopped being great. I believe that Donald Trump thinks that America stopped being great when all of its values such as freedom of speech, etc. started going down the drain. So I believe that American started to deteriorate its “greatness” when Barrack Obama became president.

First he managed to double the US’s national debt within his eight years of presidency of the debt of all the past presidents of America. The national debt started around the American revolution which let’s say was around the late 1700’s. When he became president, which was centuries later, he went from around 10 trillion, to a whole 20 trillion!

Also, Obama encourages the Black Lives matter group. It is good to give equal rights to all races, but when supporting that group, it increases the tension between all races and between police officers and citizens, and leads to much, much trouble.


I could go on and on, but to wrap it up, the America that once existed was a country that didn’t even think about races, genders, or any other way of grouping people, and treated everyone equally. Where you could speak your mind, without getting blamed for what you believe in. Where the values that built America are used in everyday life.

That, is the “great” America, that Trump believes is possible.”