Enough Gwyneth!

Oh Gwyneth Paltrow – why you so crazy? Did you look in the mirror one morning and see a dreadful actress? Was that the reality behind your decision to become a lifestyle and wellness guru? A thousand years from now will students eager to grasp intricacies of the downfall of western civilization line classrooms for lectures on Goop? Why Goop? You do know it means “sloppy or sticky semifluid matter, typically something unpleasant”. What were you smoking in 2008 when – “it is a nickname, like my name is G.P., so that is really where it came from. And I wanted it to be a word that means nothing and could mean anything” justified Goop as a lifestyle brand?

Gwyneth’s tepid celebrity might well have launched a successful lifestyle following based on responsible health, fitness, yoga, exercise, meditation (despite Goop branding ) without yanking the crazy chain, but Gwyneth is crazy and crazy loves company. Ad Age put 2016 Goop brand revenue somewhere between $15 and $20 million.

Ponder some Goop, a schizophrenic brand hawking everything from perfume and $400 blouses, to pricey skincare, cookbooks and home detox kits.

https://shop.goop.com/shop?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=&utm_term=gwyneth%20paltrow%20goop&utm_content=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9e6XjOPM2AIVFpd-Ch0X6A8OEAAYASAAEgKuQfD_BwE

At first glance, just another high priced lifestyle site, right? Wrong! So wrong, and oh so crazy. Lets visit the “Implant O’Rama”, a “at-home coffee enema,” which claims to relieve people from “depression, confusion, general nervous tension, many allergy related symptoms and, most importantly, relief from severe pain,” – yours at Goop for $135.

https://www.livescience.com/61355-pseudoscience-goop-coffee-enema.html

Medically speaking, colonic detox is a really bad idea. Only crazy would peddle coffee up the ass as a cure for depression or chronic pain. Gwyneth isn’t bothered by truth or responsible lifestyle advice, Goop doesn’t just thrive, it banks on crazy. Goop lunacy urges women to steam their vaginas at a Korean spa in Santa Monica courtesy Mugworth V-Steam: “You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.” ( Goop lifestyle travel advice )

Goop crazy Gwyneth is hung up on vaginal wellness. Lifestyle guru Paltrow wants us to stuff jade eggs between our legs.

https://goop.com/wellness/sexual-health/better-sex-jade-eggs-for-your-yoni/?irgwc=1&utm_campaign=10079_OnlineTrackingLink&utm_source=impactradius&utm_medium=affiliate

Another really bad idea according to medical experts who point out the danger of bacterial infection and toxic shock syndrome. Crazy doesn’t care – on the promise of “help cultivate sexual energy, increase orgasm, balance the cycle, stimulate vaginal wall, prevent uterine prolapse, develop and clear chi pathways in the body, intensify feminine energy and invigorate our life force” – Goop sold out of jade vagina eggs at $65 USD. Crazy demands a peek at the link above – a hysterical Q&A debacle covering everything from Chinese concubines using jade eggs to stay perky for the Emperor, to “recharging” your egg in moonlight if it seems sluggish. WTF?

Image result for goop coffee enema

Smarten up people – say enough Gwyneth by shaming coffee enemas, vaginal steaming and jade vagina eggs recharged in moonlight.

6 thoughts on “Enough Gwyneth!

  1. I take issue with the ‘dreadful actress’ aspect, but on the rest of it I think you’re spot on, as indeed you’ll know from the number of times I’ve tackled this mad fruitbat on my blog.
    You did however neglect to mention the vaginal steam cleaning. And the ozone enemas. Her nether regions must get rather crowded.

  2. If all that doesn’t make one ask, “What was she smoking?” there’s always the fact that she named her child, “Apple”. smh

  3. I have better uses for my coffee, thank you so very much. As for the vaginal steaming etc … well, even if I were so inclined, such things might be just a tad difficult for moi!
    😉

    there’s always the fact that she named her child, “Apple”.

    Could have been worse. The kid could have been called Granny Smith, or Cox’s Orange Pippin, or Golden Delicious.

  4. Those of us who expect / hope for rational behavior might as well just find a cave and hole up in it. Why anyone pays any attention to GP is beyond me. She’s a terrible actress, and quite obviously also a snake oil salesman. But then why do people pay attention to celebrity at all. There are a lot of people with nothing much going on in their lives who need something to talk about / to feel superior to / to feel part of something.

    Finding rational behavior seems to be as hard as finding the Holy Grail.

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