Monthly Archives: July 2018

Bigfoot Erotica

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News from the “couldn’t make this up if I tried” files –

Republicans picked Denver Riggleman to run for Congress in Virginia’s 5th District. Yesterday Democrat opponent Leslie Cockburn tweeted a post from Riggleman’s Instagram feed –

Leslie Cockburn @LeslieCockburn

My opponent Denver Riggleman, running mate of Corey Stewart, was caught on camera campaigning with a white supremacist. Now he has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.

Bigfoot erotica? Truth is the term “bigfoot erotica” found me driving home – silly me thought Riggleman had a foot fetish, who knew bigfoot literally meant Sasquatch. From a Washington Post article written by Ron Charles –

“On the Cook Political Report, political analyst David Wasserman notes, “The most curious element of Riggleman’s background may be a recently-deleted Facebook author page appearing to promote a self-published book titled ‘The Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him.’

“Reached by phone Monday morning, Riggleman said he has no interest at all in Bigfoot erotica, and he characterized Cockburn’s accusation as ludicrous. “We’re stunned by it.”

He said that he did write an “anthropological book sort of based on parody and satire,” which has been a running joke with “a bunch of military pals” for the past 14 years. The Bigfoot image that Cockburn grabbed from Instagram was drawn by an artist friend who told Riggleman, “This is the best way to present your book.”

“I thought it was funny. There is no way that anybody’s dumb enough to think this is real,” said Riggleman, a former Air Force intelligence officer and defense contractor who owns a Nelson County distillery with his wife.

“I do not believe that Bigfoot is real,” he added, laughing. “But I don’t want to alienate any Bigfoot voters.”

WTF Riggleman? It gets better! From https://www.vox.com/2018/7/30/17632310/virginia-riggleman-bigfoot-erotica-explained –

“But on Monday afternoon, Riggleman responded with a six-minute interview on the conservative outlet CRTV’s Kibbe on Liberty show, in which he discussed the “religious war” going on between different types of Bigfoot believers — among them those who hold that Bigfoot might be able to use “psychic terror vibes” against its victims “to make you run through the woods and crash into the trees,” permitting Bigfoot to forcibly impregnate them — and said that he was proud to have fought for the rights of all Americans to believe “in whatever Bigfoot they want,” even, for example, a gluten-intolerant Bigfoot.”

“These are good people, they’re smart, they’re intelligent, and they want Bigfoot to be with them. And I think that’s a noble pursuit,” Riggleman says in the video.

Leslie Cockburn @LeslieCockburn

From my opponent Denver Riggleman’s Bigfoot erotica collection.

America has a lot more to worry about than Donald Trump.

76.2 Centimetre Elbow Room

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Since completion in 1937, the four lane Pattullo Bridge has moved traffic across the Fraser River from Surrey to New Westminster and onward to downtown Vancouver. A particularly dangerous bridge without centre barriers despite a disconcerting bend at the south end. Years past its prime, a 2014 meeting of the Metro Vancouver Mayors’ Council determined it would be demolished and replaced at a cost of $1.3 billion.

Enter NDP Premier John Horgans’ announcement this week – Pattullo will be built by union workers in accordance with “community benefits agreement”. Those three words added $100 million tax dollars to costs. In a nutshell – all workers must join a union within 30 days. In exchange for “fair market wages” ( “The wage provisions mean, for example, a journeyman industrial mechanic would earn $43.65 per hour this year in wages, plus $8.56 in benefits. That would rise to $49.16 by 2024, plus $9.64 in benefits. A journeyman electrician would start at $39.31 an hour this year, plus $8.07 in benefits, and rise to $44.27 by 2024 with $9.08 in benefits. ” ) workers agree not to slow down progress or go on strike. 25% of workers must be apprentices and priority hiring is given to aboriginal and women tradespeople.

“The government will also pay into special union-controlled funds directly under the agreement. As much as 32 cents an hour for each employee will go directly from government into special funds controlled by the unions with such titles as “the B.C. Construction Industry Rehabilitation Fund” and the “Council Administration Fund.”

NDP rules could boost Pattullo Bridge replacement by $100 million

Government created B.C. Benefits Infrastructure Inc., a new Crown corporation dedicated to human resources and payroll. Unions will collect mandatory dues and administer the health benefits packages and pension plans. Buried deep in the 336 page agreement, a truly staggering  benefit –

Meal requirements for job site camps specify “camp occupants are entitled to eat all the food they want,” elbow room “shall not be less than 76.2 cm per person,” dinner plates must be kept warm and the dessert table must always have at least one pie and variety of Jell-O or pudding available daily. WTF! Wedding guests seated 8 to a round table don’t get 72.6 cm ( 28 inches ) elbow room. Eat all they want? Are they nuts? Dinner plates always kept warm? That’s ridiculous! Bottomless pie and pudding? Stop, I can’t take it!  In addition, the type of salads allowed, dressings, meat quality, starches, acceptable condiments and strict regulations not to repeat the main course of chicken, beef or seafood more than once every five days. From https://engage.gov.bc.ca/app/uploads/sites/331/2018/07/Community-Benefits-Agreement.pdf –

BC Construction Camp Rules & Regulations
Lunch and dinner meals. Salad table will be
refrigerated or ice provided. Minimum requirements:
a. An assortment of salads, coleslaw , green salad (tossed), potato salad and two other
prepared salads, (Caesar / Greek / Pasta / Bean Salad /protein etc)
b. Pickles (dill and sweet), olives, pickled beets etc.,
c. Fresh vegetables, (4 varieties per meal) tomato wedges, cucumber, green onions, celery
and carrot or turnip sticks, radishes
, zucchini, chilled canned tomatoes
d. Protein and Meats: Two choices, varied from
meal to meal of, Cold Meats: ham, roast
beef, pork, chicken pieces, head cheese,
assorted cold cuts, pickled or deviled eggs,
cheese, humus or chick peas .
e. Salad dressing: (assorted including low calorie choices) vinegar and oil
f. Assorted garnishes,crackers,bread sticks
Image result for pattullo bridge

Putting Putin In Perspective

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Suspend Trump outrage for a moment. Consider shirtless Putin.

Image result for shirtless putin

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/02/sochi-hotel-guests-complain-about-topless-portraits-of-putin-in-rooms.html

Image result for shirtless putin sochi hotels

Image result for shirtless putin sochi hotels

How soon we forget the Sochi Olympics – high priced hotels built to accommodate international travelers, guest room walls adorned with photo shopped art depicting shirtless Putin. Putin declaring all who complained about his half dressed image straddling wild animals above their pillow as –  “babies who cry”. WTF?

Wonder why Trump and Putin play nice? Neither gives a rat’s ass what anyone thinks. Trouble is, Putin has the upper hand. Russians calling bat shit on Putin mysteriously disappear. Americans recognizing Trump as their greatest disaster talk till blue in the constitutional face, all they get is a fake news headache.

 

Uncle Fester

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In 2016 the Vancouver Parks Board acquired a botanical oddity native to Sumatra, Indonesia. On June 21, 2018 horticulturalists at Vancouver’s Bloedel Conservatory spotted a 28 centimetre bud on titan arum, the world’s largest and rarest flowering plant. commonly known as corpse or carrion flower. Over a 40 year lifespan this prehistoric behemoth might bloom 3 times for 24-48 hours. Bloom characterized by the stench of rotting meat, mother nature’s ruse to trick carrion eating beetle and insect pollinators. Gardeners at Bloedel dubbed their prize Uncle Fester.

Barely 6 years old, Uncle Fester wasn’t supposed to bloom for several years. Fester’s petals started to open Sunday, for 2 days public frenzy to catch a whiff of Fester meant waiting in line for several hours. A five minute walk from home, I considered joining the queue last night. A co-worker’s text – “waited an hour and fifteen, petals closed, no smell” – kept me home. All the same, putrid or not, Fester is a natural wonder.

The lineup to see (and smell) the flower, which is expected to emit its stench for up to 48 hours, stretched out front of the Bloedel Conservatory on Monday morning. (Margaret Gallagher/CBC)

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/corpse-flower-begins-emitting-putrid-smell-1.4748375

Huh

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Never assume a client appreciation cocktail reception hosted by a wealthy cosmetic dentist is going to be dull. Swanky venue, meticulous client, ice sculpture, money no object floral arrangements and enough food to feed an army. What could possibly go wrong? We’re on our game, everything on time and in place, staff graciously passing breathtaking canapes, copious platters of stationed cheese, antipasto and charcuterie artfully woven along the spine of a central table.

Wait a minute, what’s wrong with you people? See that tiny plate on the table, small plate means small bite. No one invited you to dinner, why are you behaving like this is your last meal? Congratulations on a new set of teeth, but I’m begging you, show some self respect. Forty minutes into a three hour reception, we’re out of food – oh crap! Time to inform client, ease concerns and dispatch a chef to secure reinforcements. Momentary lapses in unabashed consumption ripple through the crowd. One of my servers reports guests ate all the garnish on his platter. WTF!

Thirty minutes later two behemoth platters of deli meat and cheese hit the table, my chef sets a timer – gone in 22 minutes. Now client wants more dessert, politely drawing the line I decline and head back to the kitchen. Along the way a guest asks for a moment of my time.”What’s your favorite colour?” she asks, clearly surprised when I answer “green”. “Oh my, don’t know if I have green” she mumbles while digging in her purse. Now she’s holding one of my hands in hers, pressing a cellophane wrapped cross in the other and declaring “close enough”.

What’s happening, please let go of my hand! A missionary you say, made this cross yourself, sent 100,000 crosses to Haiti after the earthquake?  Please let go of my hand! Propriety kept me from calling bat shit on 100,000 Haitian crosses, I heard myself say “that was a kind gesture”. Thanking her for the gift relaxed her hand long enough to remove mine from her clutches.

Never let it be said that mine is a predictable profession.

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Look Up

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Today a co-worker asked what I was interested in, without hesitation I replied “have you ever really seen the moon?”

This video appeared in a ponder several months ago. Driving home all I could think about was watching and sharing it again. As I write it loops for the fourth time, tears of immeasurable happiness pluck corners of an ever widening grin. Ponders of childlike innocence lost in our caustic world led to an epiphany – the world would be a better place if every man, woman and child watched this clip……

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Night And Day

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“Night and day” is an expression of vast differences, a term used to punctuate opposites and vocalize obvious chasms of separation. Every so often I use the term to illustrate radical improvement or to qualify observations of change. It never occurred to me night and day inhabited a realm between robotic utterance and practical reference to light in the sky.

After work this afternoon, night and day revealed another dimension. Not so much another dimension as a shared reality emanating from a handful of my husband’s photographs .Opposite as night and day may be, both are exquisite, textured and revealing. Ponder night and day with fresh eyes –

https://www.flickr.com/photos/15574096@N00/with/42259365585/

Diamond Rain, Bergs and Liquid Floaters

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Earthly diamonds begin as carbon deposits 100 miles or more below the surface. Location is everything – carbon heated to 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit, squeezed under pressure of 725,000 pounds per square inch, lucky enough to cool quickly by hitching a ride on upward flowing magma, become diamonds.

Science knows there’s more than one way to make a diamond. Just as bakers adjust recipes for high altitude cooking, the cosmos creatively adapts to unique circumstance. Earthly optimists turn lemons into lemonade, cosmic forces create diamonds from carbon in the unlikeliest  of places.

Science has speculated for some time that chilly cores of Neptune and Uranus glisten with diamonds. A few years ago science singled out 55 Cancri e, an exo-planet 40 light years from our solar system as a planetary body comprised almost entirely of diamonds. Recently, science said – “new data available has confirmed that at depth, diamonds may be floating around inside of Saturn, some growing so large that they could perhaps be called ‘diamondbergs,'”. Diomand-bergs, good grief! What does that even mean?

Apparently behemoth lightening storms on Saturn and Jupiter create elemental carbon in the form of soot and graphite. Falling deep into the atmosphere, heat and pressure produce diamonds of unfathomable girth. Deeper still, extreme heat and pressures melt solid gems into diamond rain. From diamond-bergs floating in a hidden sea of fluid hydrogen and helium, to other worldly ghost clouds of diamond rain a simple truth emerges – the universe sparkles, even in the shadows it knows how to bake a diamond.

https://www.space.com/23135-diamond-rain-jupiter-saturn.html

Image result for diamond rain saturn

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