Water, No Ice


Last night a client asked for water, no ice. Seems she disapproved of Pellegrino served at the bar. No problem, I’ll be right back. Oh, you want to come with me? Have it your way. Following me to the kitchen, she watched as I turned the faucet to run cold water. Her jaw went slack, unable to support quivering lips on a face now drained of colour.  Horrified, she mustered “you only have tap water?”. “Excuse me” I replied, handing her a glass of water, no ice. “I can’t drink that” she sputtered, “I need bottled water”. Propriety screamed “easy now, be cool, you’re a professional”. Rather than snap “are you thirsty or not?”,  politest admonishment ahead of “what’s wrong with you”, I smiled, shrugged and replied “there’s bottled juice at the bar”.

Water, no ice lady’s delusion isn’t unique. Convenience, accessibility, marketing and collective apathy sustain bottled water dependency. Why no ice, because it’s made from tap water?

Society resides in a plastic bubble. Insulated from common sense by convenience, consumers take the path of least resistance. Bolstered by marketed delusions, society dwells on plastic bottles and deems the contents crystal clear. Water, no ice lady doesn’t know 93% of all bottled water contains micro-plastics. Nor is she aware of Canadian law as it pertains to drinking water.

Canadian tap water is regulated by Health Canada which sets guidelines for potentially harmful contamination. Municipal water sources are tested constantly to assure quality. Bottled water is another matter – legally defined as “food”, it falls under jurisdiction of the Food and Drugs Act. Translation – “Aside from arsenic, lead and coliform bacteria, the act does not set limits on specific contaminants but says simply that food products cannot contain “poisonous or harmful substances” and must be prepared in sanitary conditions.” Bottom line, the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (CFIA) inspects water bottling plants – on average once every 3 years. Bottled water producers claim strict adherence to testing practices, legally they’re not obliged to make results public.

With the exception of “spring” or “mineral” water printed on labels, water producers aren’t required to reveal their water source. The Canadian Bottled Water Association claims less than 8% of water bottles in Canada contain municipal water sources. In the United States roughly 45% flows straight from the tap.

“In the U.S., Nestlé’s Poland Spring water, which is not sold in Canada, was the subject of a class-action lawsuit that alleged the company was mislabelling the water as “naturally purified” spring water from “pristine and protected sources… deep in the woods of Maine,” when it fact it was groundwater being drawn from man-made wells, some of which, the lawsuit alleged, were at risk of contamination.” – Kazi Stastna, CBC News

Ponder the link below –

https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/bottle-vs-tap-7-things-to-know-about-drinking-water-1.2774182

Water, no ice lady is a cautionary tale. Bottled water is unregulated, unethical, unhealthy and undeniably unscrupulous.

In plastic bottle news – earlier this week Justin Trudeau held a press conference to announce a nation wide ban on single use plastics by 2020. All good until a reporter asked what Trudeau’s family did to reduce plastics. Ponder his cringe worthy response –

 

 

 

Gunning For The Jibber-Jabber Grand Prize


Seems I twisted a few gun metal gray panties. Silly Canadian, what was I thinking? Who but an idealistic fool posts a question on Quora asking Americans if they’re bothered by the Virginia Beach massacre taking 148th place in number of 2019 U.S. mass shootings.

Reaction was swift and prolific, capsulated in overwhelming contempt. “Are you a stupid child?”, “Go crawl in a hole somewhere”, “It doesn’t impact my life, why are you making false claims?”, “Do you enjoy being a liar?”, “You’re a weak minded pussy”, “Cry to someone who cares” – those are the nice comments. No measure of “easy now” could placate collective wrath.

Take a deep breath, I said. This isn’t a personal attack, can we exchange perspectives without resorting to juvenile bullying? Apparently not. “You’re pathetic” they quipped. “A pathetic fool repeating lies by self interested political agendas”. Excuse me? You take issue with the definition of mass shooting? Only 3, not 148 in 2019, you say? Wikipedia says –

Wikipedia says –

“There are many definitions of a mass shooting:

Mass Shooting Tracker: 4+ shot in one incident, at one location, at roughly the same time.

[4]

Gun Violence Archive: 4+ shot in one incident, excluding the perpetrator(s), at one location, at roughly the same time.

[5]

Vox: 4+ shot in one incident, excluding the perpetrator(s), at one location, at roughly the same time.

[6]

[7]

USA Today: 4+ shot and killed in one incident, at one location, at roughly the same time (same as the FBI‘s “mass killing” definition).

[8]

Mother Jones: 3+ shot and killed in one incident, excluding the perpetrator(s), at a public place, excluding gang-related killings.

[9]

The Washington Post: 4+ shot and killed in one incident, excluding the perpetrator(s), at a public place, excluding gang-related killings.

[10]

Only incidents considered mass shootings by at least two of the above definitions are listed.”

Interested in reviewing their tally of events linked below?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_United_States_in_2019

No? I’m still a stupid child?

Not since posting support for abortion rights and being told I deserved to watch everyone I loved murdered before my eyes to teach me a lesson, have I encountered such absurd jibber-jabber. Fortunately this Canadian can turn and walk away.

You’re Watching Fox News, You Just Don’t Know It


Ponder this video….

“We tend to assume that if a story is being covered by major news networks, it’s because journalists have decided that the story is important. But thanks to Fox News, that’s not always true.

The network was specifically created to generate scandals that would hurt Democrats and help Republicans. And because most major networks pay attention to what happens in conservative media, those pseudoscandals end up creeping into mainstream coverage.

The result is a media ecosystem that advantages Republicans by paying disproportionate attention to right-wing talking points.

Vox.com is a news website that helps you cut through the noise and understand what’s really driving the events in the headlines.” Check out http://www.vox.com.

Biblical Anti-Vaxxer Jibber-Jabber


Meet anti-vaxxer extraordinaire Brittney Kara. According to her Amazon bio, Brittney is a master NLP practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming) hypnotherapist, nutrition coach, author and mother.  https://www.amazon.com/Brittney-Kara/e/B00EJS3FEM

Anti-vaxxer jibber-jabber has Brittney to thank for a naturopathic epiphany of Biblical proportion – Vaccines are bad because God never mentioned them in the Bible. Seems Brittney decided to Google vaccines in the Bible, when no reference was found she went public. Watch a short video from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNxt-Npm5rNEJ4ySRsilF1A

 

Phonebots


Phonebots clog city streets. Tenacious, impenetrable and defiant, they march catatonic to the glow of their hand held device. They invade crosswalks with self absorbed surety of army ants, oblivious to crossing signals, traffic flow or common decency.

Wanting to scream “what’s wrong with you!” never goes well when driving a company vehicle. Self centred numskulls always take offence. Sometimes they snap a photo of our company logo/phone number, calling to express outrage over the employee who almost ran them down. Propriety dictates polite restraint. I take a deep breath, waiting patiently for phonebots to cross the street. Every so often my inner prankster honks the horn, if I’m lucky a phonebot jumps and scurries. One time a phonebot dropped their device, I laughed out loud.

Do phonebots know how infuriating they are? Believe it their right to cross intersections with flashing “Don’t Walk” signals? Create gridlock by stepping off the curb seconds before a light changes preventing vehicles from making turns, then dawdle along with kaleidoscope eyes fixated on their cell phone? Do the self absorbed little darlings care? Absolutely not! So I sit, and I wait, and every so often I shake them up with a strategically dispatched blast of the horn. It’s hysterical, phonebots hate it when you interrupt social media dribble in the middle of an intersection at rush hour.

 

Pondering Social Media


The average attention span of a goldfish is 9 seconds. In 2000 social media analytics credited humanity with a 12 second attention span, in 2013 that average fell to 8 seconds. Scoff if you like, but I tend to believe statistics culled by social media marketers.

Image result for social media

Ponder this from https://www.disruptiveadvertising.com/social-media/be-in-the-know-2018-social-media-statistics-you-should-know/

  • Close to half the world’s population (3.03 billion people) are on some type of social media.
  • 64% of online shoppers say that a video on social media helped them decide on a product to buy.
  • Only 43% of online stores receive significant traffic from their social media pages.
  • Acknowledgment is key: 77% of Twitter users appreciate a brand more when their tweet is responded to. It takes about 10 hours on average for businesses to respond to a tweet, even though customers want a response within four hours.
  • Content marketing is a top priority of B2B businesses after brand building and social media engagement.
  • 59% of adults between 18 and 29 are using Instagram.
  • The average person spends about 20 minutes on Facebook or one in every six minutes a person will spend online.
  • 1.57 billion YouTube users watch about 5 billion videos on average every single day. Of the 2.1 billion total accounts on Facebook, 270 million profiles are fake.
  • 86% of women will look at social media before deciding to make a purchase.
  • People are accessing 69% of their media on their smartphones.
  • 89% of people on smartphones are using apps, while only 11% are using standard websites. Unsurprisingly, Facebook is the most popular app at 19% (measured by time spent).
  • Pinterest is number one for mobile social media, with 64% of referral traffic being driven by smartphones and tablets.
  • 57% of all mobile users will not recommend a business if their mobile website is poorly designed or unresponsive.
  • 40% of all mobile users are searching for a local business or interest.
  • Mobile websites that load in 5 seconds or less will end in a viewing session that’s 70% longer than their slower counterparts.
  • 92% of American teens accessed the internet on a daily basis, where 56% claim to connect several times a day, and 24% are connected almost constantly to the internet.

Lets talk selfies, next to tediously boring photos of mealtime “nobody cares what you had for dinner” fluff, selfies are a blight more annoying than hot sidewalk gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Stalwart aversion to catatonic postings of selfies on social media and subsequent refusal to validate self centered media content with likes, solidifies my place as a middle aged dinosaur. Every week over 20 million selfie posts are immortalized on social media, who am I to bemoan the erosion of civilization?

Social media is a business. It knows precisely how vain, inattentive, malleable, financially sound, politically inclined and impulsive every last one of us is. It knows who we are, where we are, what we eat, where we shop, how we vote, our views on abortion, gay rights and immigration. Prospective employers, financial institutions, property management companies and law enforcement routinely scrutinize social media footprints.

Valuable as it is intrusive, pondering social media asks only that we understand how it works, personal footprints we leave behind and magnitude of this marketing tool.

V.I.Poo


Image result for vipoo

Lavender Superstar, Lemon Idol, Rosy Starlet and Fruity Pin-Up promise to “keep nasty smells under wraps”. Fear not vacant fembots, choose one to V.I.Poo like a V.I.P. That’s right, V.I.Poo. The commercial opens with an exterior widescreen view, cameras flash, the marque reads Magic Wanda. Cut to Wanda-

“Even Hollywood’s latest sweetheart needs to punish the porcelain occasionally, to avoid embarrassment I give every bathroom the V.I.Poo treatment. Spray generously before taking a seat and V.I.Poo forms a protective layer trapping the icky smells of your devils doughnuts. So, no red face in front of your boss, Hollywood’s hottest director. Even a VIP needs to V.I.Poo  ”

WTF? Punish the porcelain, devil’s doughnuts? Magic Wanda? Wanda?

Image result for vipoo

Clearly Wanda is not a modern woman, so why is her Hollywood bathroom unisex? Why is Hollywood’s hottest director portrayed as a greasy caricature of Harvey Weinstein? Are men entitled to punish the porcelain with impunity, mark their territory with odorous devil’s doughnuts to show who’s boss? Why starlet, pin-up scent designations? Is Wanda supposed to be a porn star? Film star? Barbie Doll? Did V.I.Poo miss the memo on #MeToo? Is this supposed to be funny? Relevant?

On the off chance Air Wick set out to create a viral revenue generating video they failed miserably. I’m being generous, V.I.Poo marketing strategy banks on antiquated stereotypes, the duty of women to politely fart, burp and poop in the shadow of a man’s world. Shame on any woman fool enough to tuck V.I.Poo in her handbag.