Pondering Social Media


The average attention span of a goldfish is 9 seconds. In 2000 social media analytics credited humanity with a 12 second attention span, in 2013 that average fell to 8 seconds. Scoff if you like, but I tend to believe statistics culled by social media marketers.

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Ponder this from https://www.disruptiveadvertising.com/social-media/be-in-the-know-2018-social-media-statistics-you-should-know/

  • Close to half the world’s population (3.03 billion people) are on some type of social media.
  • 64% of online shoppers say that a video on social media helped them decide on a product to buy.
  • Only 43% of online stores receive significant traffic from their social media pages.
  • Acknowledgment is key: 77% of Twitter users appreciate a brand more when their tweet is responded to. It takes about 10 hours on average for businesses to respond to a tweet, even though customers want a response within four hours.
  • Content marketing is a top priority of B2B businesses after brand building and social media engagement.
  • 59% of adults between 18 and 29 are using Instagram.
  • The average person spends about 20 minutes on Facebook or one in every six minutes a person will spend online.
  • 1.57 billion YouTube users watch about 5 billion videos on average every single day. Of the 2.1 billion total accounts on Facebook, 270 million profiles are fake.
  • 86% of women will look at social media before deciding to make a purchase.
  • People are accessing 69% of their media on their smartphones.
  • 89% of people on smartphones are using apps, while only 11% are using standard websites. Unsurprisingly, Facebook is the most popular app at 19% (measured by time spent).
  • Pinterest is number one for mobile social media, with 64% of referral traffic being driven by smartphones and tablets.
  • 57% of all mobile users will not recommend a business if their mobile website is poorly designed or unresponsive.
  • 40% of all mobile users are searching for a local business or interest.
  • Mobile websites that load in 5 seconds or less will end in a viewing session that’s 70% longer than their slower counterparts.
  • 92% of American teens accessed the internet on a daily basis, where 56% claim to connect several times a day, and 24% are connected almost constantly to the internet.

Lets talk selfies, next to tediously boring photos of mealtime “nobody cares what you had for dinner” fluff, selfies are a blight more annoying than hot sidewalk gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Stalwart aversion to catatonic postings of selfies on social media and subsequent refusal to validate self centered media content with likes, solidifies my place as a middle aged dinosaur. Every week over 20 million selfie posts are immortalized on social media, who am I to bemoan the erosion of civilization?

Social media is a business. It knows precisely how vain, inattentive, malleable, financially sound, politically inclined and impulsive every last one of us is. It knows who we are, where we are, what we eat, where we shop, how we vote, our views on abortion, gay rights and immigration. Prospective employers, financial institutions, property management companies and law enforcement routinely scrutinize social media footprints.

Valuable as it is intrusive, pondering social media asks only that we understand how it works, personal footprints we leave behind and magnitude of this marketing tool.

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V.I.Poo


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Lavender Superstar, Lemon Idol, Rosy Starlet and Fruity Pin-Up promise to “keep nasty smells under wraps”. Fear not vacant fembots, choose one to V.I.Poo like a V.I.P. That’s right, V.I.Poo. The commercial opens with an exterior widescreen view, cameras flash, the marque reads Magic Wanda. Cut to Wanda-

“Even Hollywood’s latest sweetheart needs to punish the porcelain occasionally, to avoid embarrassment I give every bathroom the V.I.Poo treatment. Spray generously before taking a seat and V.I.Poo forms a protective layer trapping the icky smells of your devils doughnuts. So, no red face in front of your boss, Hollywood’s hottest director. Even a VIP needs to V.I.Poo  ”

WTF? Punish the porcelain, devil’s doughnuts? Magic Wanda? Wanda?

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Clearly Wanda is not a modern woman, so why is her Hollywood bathroom unisex? Why is Hollywood’s hottest director portrayed as a greasy caricature of Harvey Weinstein? Are men entitled to punish the porcelain with impunity, mark their territory with odorous devil’s doughnuts to show who’s boss? Why starlet, pin-up scent designations? Is Wanda supposed to be a porn star? Film star? Barbie Doll? Did V.I.Poo miss the memo on #MeToo? Is this supposed to be funny? Relevant?

On the off chance Air Wick set out to create a viral revenue generating video they failed miserably. I’m being generous, V.I.Poo marketing strategy banks on antiquated stereotypes, the duty of women to politely fart, burp and poop in the shadow of a man’s world. Shame on any woman fool enough to tuck V.I.Poo in her handbag.

Enough Gwyneth!


Oh Gwyneth Paltrow – why you so crazy? Did you look in the mirror one morning and see a dreadful actress? Was that the reality behind your decision to become a lifestyle and wellness guru? A thousand years from now will students eager to grasp intricacies of the downfall of western civilization line classrooms for lectures on Goop? Why Goop? You do know it means “sloppy or sticky semifluid matter, typically something unpleasant”. What were you smoking in 2008 when – “it is a nickname, like my name is G.P., so that is really where it came from. And I wanted it to be a word that means nothing and could mean anything” justified Goop as a lifestyle brand?

Gwyneth’s tepid celebrity might well have launched a successful lifestyle following based on responsible health, fitness, yoga, exercise, meditation (despite Goop branding ) without yanking the crazy chain, but Gwyneth is crazy and crazy loves company. Ad Age put 2016 Goop brand revenue somewhere between $15 and $20 million.

Ponder some Goop, a schizophrenic brand hawking everything from perfume and $400 blouses, to pricey skincare, cookbooks and home detox kits.

https://shop.goop.com/shop?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=&utm_term=gwyneth%20paltrow%20goop&utm_content=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9e6XjOPM2AIVFpd-Ch0X6A8OEAAYASAAEgKuQfD_BwE

At first glance, just another high priced lifestyle site, right? Wrong! So wrong, and oh so crazy. Lets visit the “Implant O’Rama”, a “at-home coffee enema,” which claims to relieve people from “depression, confusion, general nervous tension, many allergy related symptoms and, most importantly, relief from severe pain,” – yours at Goop for $135.

https://www.livescience.com/61355-pseudoscience-goop-coffee-enema.html

Medically speaking, colonic detox is a really bad idea. Only crazy would peddle coffee up the ass as a cure for depression or chronic pain. Gwyneth isn’t bothered by truth or responsible lifestyle advice, Goop doesn’t just thrive, it banks on crazy. Goop lunacy urges women to steam their vaginas at a Korean spa in Santa Monica courtesy Mugworth V-Steam: “You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.” ( Goop lifestyle travel advice )

Goop crazy Gwyneth is hung up on vaginal wellness. Lifestyle guru Paltrow wants us to stuff jade eggs between our legs.

https://goop.com/wellness/sexual-health/better-sex-jade-eggs-for-your-yoni/?irgwc=1&utm_campaign=10079_OnlineTrackingLink&utm_source=impactradius&utm_medium=affiliate

Another really bad idea according to medical experts who point out the danger of bacterial infection and toxic shock syndrome. Crazy doesn’t care – on the promise of “help cultivate sexual energy, increase orgasm, balance the cycle, stimulate vaginal wall, prevent uterine prolapse, develop and clear chi pathways in the body, intensify feminine energy and invigorate our life force” – Goop sold out of jade vagina eggs at $65 USD. Crazy demands a peek at the link above – a hysterical Q&A debacle covering everything from Chinese concubines using jade eggs to stay perky for the Emperor, to “recharging” your egg in moonlight if it seems sluggish. WTF?

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Smarten up people – say enough Gwyneth by shaming coffee enemas, vaginal steaming and jade vagina eggs recharged in moonlight.

Libtard


Climate deniers who call me “Ecoclown” or Nutstoponder” roll off my back, but when snide conservative lips robotically hurl Libtard contempt in place of independent thought I see red. Those who smirk Libtard do so with self satisfied impervious ignorance. It basks in a right wing embrace, uttered with reckless glee any time whiffs of social conscience wrinkle a righteous nose. Libtard is neither amusing or clever, it proves nothing but the disparaging depth of a callow existence.

The Online Slang Dictionary declares it a noun defined as – “a person with liberal political beliefs. Pejorative. From “liberal” + “retard”. Urban Dictionary elaborates with – “Libtard n. Portmanteu of “liberal” and “retard”. Someone who, intoxicated by being knowlegable and right about politics and economics, forgets that they need to get actual real ordinary people to support them if their agenda is to be advanced. Often but not always rich, well meaning and with good insight to society’s problems, but naive about the mechanics of politics and utterly ignorant about how power actually works.”

Call me a communist, blither Biblical condemnation of atheist morality, quiver in fear of Islam, frack away, encourage resource corporations to foul fresh water, buy more guns, disregard poverty and civil rights, drink Trump Kool-Aid , but how you dare call anyone a Libtard.

Tired


Exasperation plucks my last nerve. I’m tired of politics, climate debate, religious soap boxes, poverty, racial injustice, gender inequality, gun violence and hate. All we do is wring our hands clucking blah, blah, blah. My news is real, yours is fake, yak, yak, yak. Media bobble heads spoon inane bat shit into gaping mouths of catatonic numskulls hungry for affirmation of their bias. I’m tired of dimwits who parrot partisan absurdity as fact, lunkhead patriots void of independent thought and verbatim regurgitation of misinformed lunacy.

Freedom is tired of her name being taken in vain. I wouldn’t be so tired if  free speech wasn’t masquerading as free to twist whichever reality furthered personal gain, religious agenda or corporate coffer. Wake up!

David Souter Ponders Democracy


This morning CBC radio aired a sound bite of retired U.S. Supreme Court Justice David Souter speaking at a 2012 UNH (University of New Hampshire ) open forum. Souter was asked to comment on declining civics education and what effect that has on government. His answer runs almost 8 minutes. For those short on time, patience or inclination skip to 4:00 or read the transcript below.

“But the reason I said I think it is the most significant problem that we’ve got is that I think some of the aspects of current American government that people on both sides find frustrating are in part a function of the inability of people to understand how government can and should function.

It is a product of civic ignorance.

What I worry about is a remark that Benjamin Franklin made and Susan Leahy quoted Jefferson at the beginning about how “an ignorant people can never remain a free people.”

Democracy cannot survive too much ignorance.

Franklin, in effect, had a comment to which the Jefferson comment is a kind of an answer or a response. You’ve probably heard this but it bears repeating.

Franklin was asked by someone I think on the streets of Philadelphia shortly after the 1787 convention adjourned in what kind of government the constitution would give us if it was adopted. Franklin’s famous answer was “a republic, if you can keep it.” (edited)

You can’t keep it in ignorance. I don’t worry about our losing republican government in the United States because I’m afraid of a foreign invasion. I don’t worry about it because I think there is going to be a coup by the military as has happened in some other places.

What I worry about is that when problems are not addressed, people will not know who is responsible. And when the problems get bad enough, as they might do, for example, with another serious terrorist attack, as they might do with another financial meltdown, some one person will come forward and say, “Give me total power and I will solve this problem.”

That is how the Roman republic fell. Augustus became emperor not because he arrested the Roman senate. He became emperor because he promised he would solve problems that were not being solved.

If we know who is responsible, I have enough faith in the American people to demand performance from those responsible.

If we don’t know, we will stay away from the polls. We will not demand it. And the day will come when somebody will come forward and and we and the government will in effect say, “take the ball and run with it.”

“Do what you have to do.”

That is the way democracy dies. And if something is not done to improve the level of civic knowledge, that is what you should worry about at night.

http://crooksandliars.com/2016/10/justice-david-souter-civic-ignorance-how