V.I.Poo


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Lavender Superstar, Lemon Idol, Rosy Starlet and Fruity Pin-Up promise to “keep nasty smells under wraps”. Fear not vacant fembots, choose one to V.I.Poo like a V.I.P. That’s right, V.I.Poo. The commercial opens with an exterior widescreen view, cameras flash, the marque reads Magic Wanda. Cut to Wanda-

“Even Hollywood’s latest sweetheart needs to punish the porcelain occasionally, to avoid embarrassment I give every bathroom the V.I.Poo treatment. Spray generously before taking a seat and V.I.Poo forms a protective layer trapping the icky smells of your devils doughnuts. So, no red face in front of your boss, Hollywood’s hottest director. Even a VIP needs to V.I.Poo  ”

WTF? Punish the porcelain, devil’s doughnuts? Magic Wanda? Wanda?

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Clearly Wanda is not a modern woman, so why is her Hollywood bathroom unisex? Why is Hollywood’s hottest director portrayed as a greasy caricature of Harvey Weinstein? Are men entitled to punish the porcelain with impunity, mark their territory with odorous devil’s doughnuts to show who’s boss? Why starlet, pin-up scent designations? Is Wanda supposed to be a porn star? Film star? Barbie Doll? Did V.I.Poo miss the memo on #MeToo? Is this supposed to be funny? Relevant?

On the off chance Air Wick set out to create a viral revenue generating video they failed miserably. I’m being generous, V.I.Poo marketing strategy banks on antiquated stereotypes, the duty of women to politely fart, burp and poop in the shadow of a man’s world. Shame on any woman fool enough to tuck V.I.Poo in her handbag.

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Ancestry DNA


Ponder Ancestry DNA courtesy a new TV ad. Who knew 30 seconds of advertising could make me this grumpy. The clip opens with a man glancing over a tall fence at his new neighbor. They exchange awkward silence, the man fumbles with his phone, then forces a weak hello. New neighbor responds in kind with a distinct Irish accent. The man looks away – no welcome to the neighborhood, polite introduction or attempt at pleasantries – without another word he looks down at his phone. Seems unfriendly tongue tied man is viewing Ancestry DNA, results indicate he is part Irish. Inhospitable man evaporates, a voice over gushes praise for Ancestry DNA breaking barriers, bringing people together and proving we have more in common than we think. We see the man beaming animated chatter with Irish neighbor, Ancestry DNA saves the day.

Did I mention both men are white? Two white men who couldn’t look each other in the eye until DNA revealed a smidgen of shared ancestry. WTF! If this isn’t messed up I don’t know what is.

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Asperitas


For the first time in over 50 years, skies are officially cloudier. This year maestros of meteorologic whimsy, conduits of foreboding trepidation and petticoats of nature’s fancy were asked to make room for Asperitas at the head table. Gavin Pretor-Pinney, founder of the Cloud Appreciation Society inducted Asperitas into the International Cloud Atlas hall of fame. A monumental achievement in science clouded by genre, subsection, supplementary features and special circumstance.

https://cloudatlas.wmo.int/clouds-supplementary-features-asperitas.html

Gavin Pretor-Pinney defined Asperitas as –

… localized waves in the cloud base, either smooth or dappled with smaller features, sometimes descending into sharp points, as if viewing a roughened sea surface from below. Varying levels of illumination and thickness of cloud can lead to dramatic visual effects.

An asperitas formation over Ballstad, Vestvagoy, Lofoten islands, north of Norway.

If by chance you happen upon undulating clouds that resemble rough seas if viewed from below – shout a hearty welcome to Asperitas, the first cloud formation recognized in half a century.

Libtard


Climate deniers who call me “Ecoclown” or Nutstoponder” roll off my back, but when snide conservative lips robotically hurl Libtard contempt in place of independent thought I see red. Those who smirk Libtard do so with self satisfied impervious ignorance. It basks in a right wing embrace, uttered with reckless glee any time whiffs of social conscience wrinkle a righteous nose. Libtard is neither amusing or clever, it proves nothing but the disparaging depth of a callow existence.

The Online Slang Dictionary declares it a noun defined as – “a person with liberal political beliefs. Pejorative. From “liberal” + “retard”. Urban Dictionary elaborates with – “Libtard n. Portmanteu of “liberal” and “retard”. Someone who, intoxicated by being knowlegable and right about politics and economics, forgets that they need to get actual real ordinary people to support them if their agenda is to be advanced. Often but not always rich, well meaning and with good insight to society’s problems, but naive about the mechanics of politics and utterly ignorant about how power actually works.”

Call me a communist, blither Biblical condemnation of atheist morality, quiver in fear of Islam, frack away, encourage resource corporations to foul fresh water, buy more guns, disregard poverty and civil rights, drink Trump Kool-Aid , but how you dare call anyone a Libtard.