Let’s Get This Pandemic Over With

Coronavirus serves as a cautionary tale of human fragility. Humanity fancies itself impervious to unforeseen whims of nature. So certain our lofty tower is made of stone, we dismiss sudden onset of unprecedented hairline fractures as media hype. COVID-19 began as an outbreak in Wuhan, China. In medical terms outbreak is defined as disease infecting a lot of people in one area in a short amount of time. Next, outbreak became epidemic. Epidemic is when cases of illness in a community or region clearly exceed normal expectancy. Today the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic. Epidemic passes into pandemic territory when illness spreads to other countries and continents affecting a large number of people. Infected persons returning from travel to known epidemic regions don’t factor in pandemic consideration. Pandemic waits for widespread community transmission, local transmission of infection without connection to travel.

Hindsight doesn’t care what we should or could have done to stop hairline fracture outbreak before epidemic cracks formed pandemic fissures. Who knows, maybe next time we’ll recognize imperatives to act responsibly at outbreak. That said, today we have a pandemic so lets get it over with. Close borders, ground planes, cancel public gatherings, legislate global forgiveness of debt/living expenses for a month, restrict commerce to essential services, stay home from work and school and designate billions toward social assistance. Stop messing around, let’s get this over with.

 

Viral Kitty

Despite WHO (World Health Organization) assurance of no existing evidence to suggest pets can be infected with COVID-19, reports out of China illustrate a alarming level of public hysteria. Contrary to WHO’s position, spokesman Li Lanjuan of China’s national health commission said – “If pets go out and have contact with an infected person, they have the chance to get infected. By then, pets need to be isolated. In addition to people, we should be careful with other mammals especially pets.”

Surely I’m not alone in scratching my head over these images. It’s acceptable to serve whole bats and live mouse soup in high end restaurants, but when disease crosses the species barrier it’s time to walk masked kitty on a leash?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10947705/pets-china-makeshift-face-masks-coronavirus/

Goop Dupe

If Karma is a bitch, she has one heck of a slap waiting for Gwyneth Paltrow. Next in line are the Fembots marching catatonically to her pop-up goop circus (June 7 – September 22, 2019 ) at the Hazelton Hotel in downtown Toronto. Who am I kidding, goopsters can’t march, they have jade eggs clenched in their vaginas to regulate menstrual cycles and harness the power of energy, stickers made of the same carbon NASA uses in spacesuits, plastered on their bodies to promote healing. (Never mind that NASA doesn’t use carbon in spacesuits, and that’s the least offensive contradiction ).

Health Canada inspectors wary of Paltrow’s goop dupe were no match for the queen of lifestyle sorcery. Despite their unannounced inspection, two sunscreen products not approved for sale in Canada were all they could deny drooling wellness devotees. Fear not goopbots, unapproved goop is available online and there’s nothing Health Canada can do to stop it.

Gwyneth is a quack who believes a bee sting heals scars. Her lifestyle brand is snake oil. Muster some self respect people! Goop is a dupe!

 

Biblical Anti-Vaxxer Jibber-Jabber

Meet anti-vaxxer extraordinaire Brittney Kara. According to her Amazon bio, Brittney is a master NLP practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming) hypnotherapist, nutrition coach, author and mother.  https://www.amazon.com/Brittney-Kara/e/B00EJS3FEM

Anti-vaxxer jibber-jabber has Brittney to thank for a naturopathic epiphany of Biblical proportion – Vaccines are bad because God never mentioned them in the Bible. Seems Brittney decided to Google vaccines in the Bible, when no reference was found she went public. Watch a short video from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNxt-Npm5rNEJ4ySRsilF1A

 

Hot Dog Water

It’s street festival season in Vancouver. Yesterday, 17 blocks of Main Street welcomed thousands to annual Car Free Day celebrations. Hundreds of vendors marked twelve feet of curbside real estate with colourful tents. Block after block of inexpensive dresses made in India, food trucks, jewellery, yoga classes, political action groups, straw hats and local crafts. Lavender Kombucha in one hand, bacon raspberry chipotle jam sandwich in the other ( don’t judge me 🙂 ), an eager young man in a hot dog costume drew my eyes to the “Hot Dog Water” tent.

Hot Dog Water CEO Douglas Bevans, mustered his inner Gwyneth Paltrow to proclaim –

“We’ve created a recipe, having a lot of people put a lot of effort into research and a lot of people with backgrounds in science really creating the best version of Hot Dog Water that we could,” “So the protein of the Hot Dog Water helps your body uptake the water content, and the sodium and all the things you’d need post-workout.”

Scores of festival goers lined up for free samples of chilled hot dog water. Move over Gatorade, there’s a new boss in town. Hot dog water is the future of weight loss, vitality and brain function. Still skeptical? Rest assured proof is in the cost – one bottle of hot dog water sells for $37.99,  two for the Father’s Day special of $75.

Bevans won’t say how much hot dog water he sold, but cheerfully points to a statement clearly displayed at the booth –

“Hot Dog Water in its absurdity hopes to encourage critical thinking related to product marketing and the significant role it can play in our purchasing choices.”

From Global News –

Bevans, a tour operator by trade, is also an artist, and said the Hot Dog Water concept was actually dreamed up as a commentary on what he called the “snake oil salesmen” of health marketing.

“It’s really sort of a commentary on product marketing, and especially sort of health-quackery product marketing,” he said.

“From the responses, I think people will actually go away and reconsider some of these other $80 bottles of water that will come out that are ‘raw’ or ‘smart waters,’ or anything that doesn’t have any substantial scientific backing but just a lot of pretty impressive marketing.”

Vancouver festivalgoers invited to enjoy a cool glass of… hot dog water?

Kudos to you Douglas Bevans – well played.

 

Enough Gwyneth!

Oh Gwyneth Paltrow – why you so crazy? Did you look in the mirror one morning and see a dreadful actress? Was that the reality behind your decision to become a lifestyle and wellness guru? A thousand years from now will students eager to grasp intricacies of the downfall of western civilization line classrooms for lectures on Goop? Why Goop? You do know it means “sloppy or sticky semifluid matter, typically something unpleasant”. What were you smoking in 2008 when – “it is a nickname, like my name is G.P., so that is really where it came from. And I wanted it to be a word that means nothing and could mean anything” justified Goop as a lifestyle brand?

Gwyneth’s tepid celebrity might well have launched a successful lifestyle following based on responsible health, fitness, yoga, exercise, meditation (despite Goop branding ) without yanking the crazy chain, but Gwyneth is crazy and crazy loves company. Ad Age put 2016 Goop brand revenue somewhere between $15 and $20 million.

Ponder some Goop, a schizophrenic brand hawking everything from perfume and $400 blouses, to pricey skincare, cookbooks and home detox kits.

https://shop.goop.com/shop?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=&utm_term=gwyneth%20paltrow%20goop&utm_content=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9e6XjOPM2AIVFpd-Ch0X6A8OEAAYASAAEgKuQfD_BwE

At first glance, just another high priced lifestyle site, right? Wrong! So wrong, and oh so crazy. Lets visit the “Implant O’Rama”, a “at-home coffee enema,” which claims to relieve people from “depression, confusion, general nervous tension, many allergy related symptoms and, most importantly, relief from severe pain,” – yours at Goop for $135.

https://www.livescience.com/61355-pseudoscience-goop-coffee-enema.html

Medically speaking, colonic detox is a really bad idea. Only crazy would peddle coffee up the ass as a cure for depression or chronic pain. Gwyneth isn’t bothered by truth or responsible lifestyle advice, Goop doesn’t just thrive, it banks on crazy. Goop lunacy urges women to steam their vaginas at a Korean spa in Santa Monica courtesy Mugworth V-Steam: “You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al. It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels. If you’re in LA, you have to do it.” ( Goop lifestyle travel advice )

Goop crazy Gwyneth is hung up on vaginal wellness. Lifestyle guru Paltrow wants us to stuff jade eggs between our legs.

https://goop.com/wellness/sexual-health/better-sex-jade-eggs-for-your-yoni/?irgwc=1&utm_campaign=10079_OnlineTrackingLink&utm_source=impactradius&utm_medium=affiliate

Another really bad idea according to medical experts who point out the danger of bacterial infection and toxic shock syndrome. Crazy doesn’t care – on the promise of “help cultivate sexual energy, increase orgasm, balance the cycle, stimulate vaginal wall, prevent uterine prolapse, develop and clear chi pathways in the body, intensify feminine energy and invigorate our life force” – Goop sold out of jade vagina eggs at $65 USD. Crazy demands a peek at the link above – a hysterical Q&A debacle covering everything from Chinese concubines using jade eggs to stay perky for the Emperor, to “recharging” your egg in moonlight if it seems sluggish. WTF?

Smarten up people – say enough Gwyneth by shaming coffee enemas, vaginal steaming and jade vagina eggs recharged in moonlight.

Fast Food Causes Homosexuality

Shout out to my friend Roger, but for his Facebook post I might never have known fast food and sleep deprivation cause homosexuality. See these burgers laughing? That was me until realizing this wasn’t a joke.

Rita Strakosha published Modern Diet and Stress cause Homosexuality: A hypothesis and a potential therapy  

According to Rita, the LGBTQ inclined suffer from higher rates of “eating large amounts of high glycemic index foods and fat, or eating an imbalanced diet, leaning toward carbohydrates.”. Adding, “Some studies show an increased rate of obesity among homosexuals”. “Gay men, lesbian and bisexual women report a higher odds of sugar-sweetened beverage consumption than straight men and women.” To “stay straight”, Rita urges people to “steer clear of food that can be disruptive right before sleep, like heavy or rich foods, fatty or fried meals, spicy dishes, citrus fruits and carbonated drinks.” Who is this woman?

Rita Strakosha validates preposterous with her Albanian University Masters degree in Clinical Psychology – check your inbox Rita, we’re not impressed. Bat shit is bat shit no matter how you slice it. Delusional as Rita may be, it would be unkind to overlook her learned solution to the homosexual problem. Less qualified Albanian clinical psychologists might have identified the cause of homosexuality and walked away – not Rita.This little lady identified contributing factors linked to homosexuality -restricting fat, sugar and alcohol coupled with a good nights sleep to prevent homosexual tendencies, then delivered a prescribed course of sexual hibernation. Oh Rita, are you really this stupid?

For those “turned gay” and desperate to lead straight lives, Rita recommends “sexual hibernation”- a period of healthy eating and abstinence to promote “sexual extinction”.

“Upon re-wakening of sexual interest, the response to the previous sexual stimuli will not restart at once and at the same level as previously,” Strakosha affirms. “Time would be needed to achieve the same level as before hibernation. Discontinuation of hibernation would be an opportune time for sexual orientation change.” “Persons with a longer history of homosexual attractions and those with stronger prenatal or genetic factors would have more difficulty in achieving benefits from this therapy,” – no shit Rita!

https://www.queerty.com/study-claims-fast-food-consumption-sleep-depravation-cause-homosexuality-20170530

Doctor Nature

It’s summer. Stop procrastinating – make an appointment with Doctor Nature.

notestoponder

The Japanese practice shirin-yoku, which translates into ” forest bathing”. A form of preventative medicine, 48 official “forest therapy” trails are managed by Japan’s Forest Agency. Within the next 10 years the goal is to increase that number to 100. It’s no secret that Japanese culture reveres nature; they just might be on to something.

Ponder this – In 2008 the world crossed a line; more people lived in urban environments than rural settings. Research indicates mankind has become more aggressive, self absorbed, depressed, distracted, fatter, and less able to rely on their cognitive abilities since the introduction of the internet. On average Americans are estimated to spend at least 8 hours a day looking at electronic screens.

Back to forest therapy; research shows that mother nature has some tricks up her sleeve. A group of Tokyo businessmen spent 3 days hiking in the woods. Blood tests showed their NK…

View original post 224 more words

Organic Milk Discovery

Following a chance encounter with organic milk at his friend’s house, our son urged us to never purchase anything else. Skepticism over discernible difference to justify additional cost  met parental indulgence –  we agreed to try a litre.

One sip was all it took – we will never buy conventional milk again. This was the milk of my youth – exquisite dairy nectar, complex as fine wine, a treat to delight the senses. I had found the exclamation mark, the poster child to define “organic”.

Wading through the organic maze is tricky – as with any trend, marketing gurus skirt, twist and dodge regulations to hitch a ride on organic’s market share. Purchasing organic for ethical reasons isn’t practical – unless you shop exclusively at local farmers markets – this is big business. Organic and natural, red hot buzz words  jostling for shelf space beside “free run” and “free range”. That said – with increased imports of questionable food products from countries like China ( I hadn’t planned to go here but couldn’t live with myself without cautioning – avoid Chinese mushrooms, spinach, garlic, tilapia, apple juice, honey, and vitamins – see link at the end of this post) examining food source and practices isn’t a terrible idea.

To be honest – avoiding Chinese imports crosses my mind long before “organic” becomes a factor.  Organic milk shattered my tidy little world so completely, I’m looking at food with fresh eyes. Goodbye cynicism, so long skeptical mistrust, see ya later “farm to table” eye rolls, have a nice trip “ancient grain” quinoa snickers – organic, you have my undivided attention.

Free range chicken or eggs don’t flutter off pages of idyllic storybook farms. Organic milk doesn’t flow from quaint sunny meadows. Pesticide free fruit and vegetables rarely spring from the fictional valley of the “jolly green giant”. Organic is big business – business on a massive scale.

For milk to be certified organic, cows must eat certified organic feed – sneaking in animal by-products strictly forbidden – antibiotics and milk producing hormones common in conventional milk production, are out of the question. In North America dairy cows must be “treated humanely”, one definition being they have access to open grazing pastures. ( Keep in mind, “free run” chickens need only be given the opportunity to leave industrial barns for a prescribed amount of time each day – a six inch square opening at one end of the facility satisfies the requirement ) Don’t get misty eyed over bovine bliss amid the daisies – organic milk, every bit as industrial as conventional milk production, deal with it and focus on taste.

Concentrate on end results – cows fed unadulterated food, not pumped up on hormones or kept “factory ready” with antibiotics, produce milk exquisite enough to knock me on my ass. Twenty year old Scotch to Moonshine, five year aged cheddar to squeeze cheese – and if that’s not enough – pasteurized at much higher temperatures, it keeps well over a month in your fridge.

As my son said – just try it. If “holy cow” sentiments don’t slap you on the side of the head, I need my taste buds examined.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/organic-milk-vs-regular-milk.html

http://www.theepochtimes.com/n3/231731-top-5-imported-foods-from-china-you-should-avoid/?photo=2

Plastic Ponder

Sometimes I write opinions or stories I’ve pondered; other times, uninvited thoughts dance between my ears demanding attention. Happily brushing my teeth, thinking of nothing except curling up under the covers, I was assaulted with the concept of a world without plastic surgery.

Imagine for a moment – no breast augmentation, tummy tucks, lipo – suction, nose jobs or face lifts. Muscle inhibiting Botox injections, eye lifts, teeth whitening, lip re-shaping, vein stripping, and laser hair removal – all gone. Ponder a world where beauty wasn’t a “standard” dictated by media and fashion houses. A world where people weren’t “flawed”, a place where armies of size 2 “fembots” didn’t greet you at every turn.

Plastic conformity is so commonplace we hardly bat an eye – perhaps Botox renders the task impossible. Children’s beauty pageants are jaw dropping surrealism at its finest. Kids not old enough to tie their shoes, paraded across a stage in full make-up, tangerine spray tans forcing fake eyelashes and prosthetic teeth to jostle for attention. Little girls “coached”  to dance, gyrate and behave like pop stars. Mothers scolding them for not smiling enough, forgetting to make eye contact with the judges, or being overwhelmed by pressure. Misguided concepts of self worth before the little darlings even start school.

Teenagers turn to cosmetic procedures to “fit in”, many companies request a “head-shot” when sending a resume, promotions go to employees whose photo will look pleasing on company web pages or facebook accounts. Only the “beautiful people” greet you in restaurants, bars and retail establishments. Any person hired for a position with public contact has to be aesthetically pleasing.

Dentists used to do dentistry, now they whiten teeth and are licensed to inject Botox. The drop in medical clinic in my neighbourhood keeps patients waiting for an eternity for 5 minutes with a doctor – who then limits “concerns” to one or two – yet has a swanky cosmetic practice, advertising laser treatments and Botox solutions. Yep, that will make you feel better. A friend asked a doctor at this clinic for a pap test – he responded “we don’t know each other well enough for that” and ushered her out the door – my guess is he would have found time if her cervix needed a little Botox.

Ponder a world without cosmetic assimilation; a world free to focus on merit rather than plastic perfection. Ponder a world without ever having the concept of surgical alterations. When I think of this world, I think of how beautiful “imperfection” can be. Trying to picture my grandmother’s face, her skin stretched like a tanned hide, or myself with breast implants is appalling. Raging vanity serves no purpose other than to further separate the haves from the have nots. Those who can afford “procedures” thrive, while those of meagre means better hope mother nature was good to them.

Vanity is at the core of what makes us human. I wrote this post last year, referring to “vanity” as the point at which mankind truly arrived…

https://notestoponder.wordpress.com/2012/11/26/vanity/

Ponder a world without plastic people, a world exquisitely flawed, where ageing wasn’t viewed as an assault to the senses. Without face lifts or Botox, we could once again discover the beauty of years. Antiques are valued for their patina, people should be the same. Visualize beauty pageants replaced by blind interviews, or essay submissions – ponder “Miss Universe” chosen for her mind. Think of young women with self esteem; women spared grotesque messages that a D cup under a tight sweater takes them places. Imagine what we could accomplish if not inundated with  pressure to conform – pressure to become  plastic replicas simply because society has lost its mind.

A world without cosmetic surgery is just the beginning. Far from being a serious suggestion – for fun, imagine an election where the candidate was never seen, only heard. Lets say a Republican running in Louisiana – debates, interviews all blind. Voters are saying – where has this person been, this is the person who can get things done. When the win is a landslide, their identity is revealed. Not wanting to offend anyone, I’ll leave images of race and appearance to your imagination. In a million years this person wouldn’t have been elected if seen.

Mankind is stuck with several unfortunate qualities, there isn’t a lot we can do about vanity. That said – a world without cosmetic enhancements would be a far batter place. Plastic people are far from attractive; beauty is found in character and nuances, rather than desperate replication or sad attempts at cheating time.

Photo by Arjun Bagga at Wetstreet https://www.facebook.com/Wetstreet