“Ponderable” Offence


A few months ago we catered a surprise birthday party. Birthday girl was clueless – all arranged by her fiance. Fiance ordered heavily to the meat side – pulled pork sliders, chicken satay, lamb skewers, blue cheese stuffed figs wrapped in bacon, smoked salmon – aside from a few spreads and dips, a meat-lovers delight.

Following a much anticipated “surprise”, one of my servers offered a platter of tempting appies to the guest of honor. Her reaction floored every last one of us – ” I DO NOT eat anything that has EVER been alive ” she snarled. It seems fiance neglected to tell us she was Vegan. Her outburst; packed with venomous rage, smacked for its rude fury – a delivery fitting a fairy tale evil queen rather than a birthday girl. Uncomfortable silence evaporated almost immediately – I suppose her friends and family had seen her in action.

A brief “chat” with husband to be, followed my “holy crap” moment. He apologized for his “over sight”, confirming my fear that she was indeed Vegan and had a bit of a temper. I barely hear as he tells me “find her anything Vegan, she hardly eats”, all the while stuffing pulled pork in his mouth.

Rendered senseless – not for pork juice on inconsiderate husband to be, not for daggers hurled across the room from bride to be eyes, not for shaken server or the fact we didn’t have a Vegan option to save our lives. I was knocked on my ass by her leather boots. Vegan she devil was rocking leather boots!

Rudeness aside, I would have cut her some slack if she were vegetarian  I might even have felt sorry for a vegetarian girl whose thoughtless carnivore fiance throws her a surprise party featuring meat. I draw the line at outrageous hypocrisy.  Birthday girl’s lifestyle choice dictates an animal free diet; not so much as a nibble of cheese, buttered toast or milk on her Corn Flakes. Throwing a righteous vegan hissy, wrapped in animal hide, gives bat shit crazy a whole new meaning.

Have some self respect vegan princess; if you can’t help making a spectacle of yourself, at least lose the leather boots before blowing a gasket. Lots of vegans wear leather – who cares – I give them points for trying. In your case birthday girl – it pissed me off.

Are Fairies Vegetarian?


Nostalgia begged I figure something out the old fashioned way. Forget the internet, reference books or Google answers – a random thought came knocking, it required untainted pondering. I sent my daughter a message – “Help me out, are fairies vegetarian?”

She saw nothing unusual about my query. It was a good question, now both of us needed to know if fairies were vegetarian and weren’t inclined to “search” for an answer

Her gut reaction was the same as mine – fairies don’t eat meat and most certainly are vegetarian. Ponders begged the obvious question – then what does Oberon serve at his banquets? My son came home, I posed the same question – he replied “fairies don’t eat food” Hmm? Well what about the banquets, and why is it we all know, those who eat from a fairy table stay there forever? We wondered if fairies where presented with gifts of food, or if food simply appeared at their tables. We dismissed the idea of fairies hunting, more comfortable with the thought of gathering seeds and honey. It was late, we agreed to sleep on it, fairy diets could wait until tomorrow.

Relatively sure fairies are vegetarian, my mind drifted to ponders of faith.It’s much too late now,  but tomorrow I will ask my daughter if she thinks vegetarian fairy debates are any different from resurrection of Christ banter. Regardless, I refuse to “Google” any of it – tempted as I might be to search ” vegetarian fairy Jesus”.