Oh man, where to even begin. How to ponder a topic that’s equal parts hysterical and tragic social commentary. Forget legal or religious implications – it’s taking every ounce of intestinal fortitude to resist clever slogans. Stoic resolve is of little consequence – faced with images of McJesus, I find myself smirking rather than focusing on a truly astounding nugget of mankind’s absurdity.

Who knew church branding agencies existed? Sure smarty pants – think about it after the fact , it makes total sense. If not for being an oblivious fifty something nincompoop, a person chained by parameters of middle aged foolery, I might have possessed the faculties to anticipate the very concept responsible for this state of blithering astonishment.

Paul Di Lucca, a creative director at church branding agency Lux Dei Agency had a epiphany – open McDonald restaurants in places of worship and people will come. In a nutshell, Di Lucca launched a IndieGoGo fund raising appeal on Nov.17 with a goal of $1 million dollars by January 16, 2015. Di Lucca argues low attendance could be reversed by operating “iconic” and profitable beacons of consumerism within the confines of God’s tired, neglected halls. Never mind it’s been almost 2 weeks and $242.00 is all he has to show for it (see link below) – my church branding radar screams McJesus, there’s no turning back.

“It’s time for churches to engage with entrepreneurship,” writes the group on its IndieGoGo site. “By combining a church and a McDonald’s we can create a self-sustaining, community-engaged, popular church, and an unparalleled McDonald’s restaurant.”

I attempt rational pondering, then see Jesus handing out Big Macs to a chorus of angels singing “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun”. I scream “grow up you imbecile” attempting to nail his “order” at the last supper.Just when I think it’s out of my system – I dissolve in puddles of mirth as Hamburgler and Ronald McDonald morph into stylized Renaissance cherubs. With all due respect – stop, I can’t take it – the day religion hires a publicist, is the day religion ought to wake up and see the writing on the wall.