Quote Of The Day


For the past eight years the last holiday party of the year falls a few days before Christmas with the same corporate client. We deck the halls for eighty employees at head office of this grocery/drug store chain with anticipation of their appreciation and our eminent release from party season. We provide prime rib, baked ham, turkey dinner with all the fixings. They provide a truck load of cheese/meat deli platters, dozens of sushi platters, 30 boxes of mandarin oranges, a plethora of cakes, desserts and non-alcoholic beverages. The understanding being we deliver leftover bounty to a homeless mission or soup kitchen.

So far so good, head office employees eat themselves into blissful comas, we start packing everything for the mission. Without fail a handful of vultures start to circle. Well mannered scroungers receive polite reminders leftovers are destined for charitable donation, sneaky scavengers are shamed when we point them out to corporate management. Professional temperance prevents me from shouting “What’s wrong with you! ” Truly a mind boggling spectacle to witness human nature at its worst, glutinous employees gorging on free lunch then plotting to deny the homeless.

This afternoon oblivious ignorance reached a new low. Female employee enters room, doesn’t make eye contact or say a word, starts rummaging through stacks of platters set aside for the mission. “Can I help you?” She turns to face me holding a large platter of sushi, uttering “I have a party tonight, going to take this with me”. I doubt she’ll ever know what happened next solidified her place in my ledger of shame, that her shallow insensitivity spawned Quote Of The Day ponders.

“All leftovers are going to Union Gospel Mission” I said.

“Homeless people don’t eat sushi” she replied, and marched out of the room.

WTF!!

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Nothing Worse Than a Sloppy Drunk


As I embark on the annual office party circuit – a gentle reminder of office party etiquette….

notestoponder

Tired, grumpy, and ready to bite off the head of anything that moves, exhaustion has led me to pondering drunks. Most days I shrug off the inevitable “sloppy drunk” as little more than an occupational hazard; predictable, definitely categorized by species and sub species; dealt with accordingly. Years in the hospitality industry has honed my drunk skills,  becoming second nature. Very little surprises me, only once did my jaw hit the floor and who could fault me; I instructed a bartender at a beer stand not to serve an obviously intoxicated man. He looked me straight in the eyes and snarled “I thought they gassed all the Jews”. Despite my mind explosion I was able to fumble with my radio long enough to call security, it was their pleasure to show him the door. Oh, did I mention he had his 5 or 6 year old son with him, now…

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Office Party Refresher Course


Reblogging my Christmas party ponder from last year is a bit lazy – believe me when I say “lazy” has nothing to do with it – more like exhaustion. I would like to add a few more suggestions.

How about tipping the bartender? Your bartender is probably working a 12 hour shift, forced to smile at your shenanigans till their face cracks, and certainly not going to find themselves at a Christmas party enjoying free drinks.

A baked Brie is not a pie. Don’t cut a slice bigger than your fist and ask for a fork. Holy crap – spread it on a cracker.

Please don’t mob the servers as they try to pass appetizers – there’s plenty of food to go around.

On that note – every time you double dip or put your pick or used napkin back on the platter – the server has to return to the kitchen, dump the sauce and get a clean platter – find some manners. Yikes.

notestoponder

My years in hospitality always peak at Christmas. Office party season; the “black Friday” for ballrooms, high end venues, caterers, and event planners. The spring and summer wedding spree pales in comparison. A wedding may take an exhaustive year to plan, follows an itinerary of speeches, dances and toasts. Most people know how to behave at a wedding. Restraint and manners apply to most gatherings. In fact the only function where common sense goes out the window seems to be the Christmas party.

Far from pondering human nature, reasons to “cut loose” on the company dime are clear. That said, I feel an obligation to offer an office party refresher course. In no particular order; some basic rules to consider…..

Dress appropriately, especially if you plan to “tie one on”. Do you really want to face co-workers on Monday morning as the “hot mess” who fell out of her dress.

Your company…

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