Bang Bang America, Hail The Greatest Nation On Earth

Forgive me America, every so often I forget you’re the greatest nation on Earth. Who am I to question your infinite tolerance of gun violence, stoic determination to turn a blind eye, patriotic duty to pack pistols and ever so practiced march to gun lobby bugles. For the record I really like Washington State House Bill 1050. Kudos to Republican representatives Matt Shea, David Taylor and Bob McCaslin for opening the first legislative session of 2017 with a Bill aimed at legalizing concealed weapons at sports arenas – how American of you.

Please excuse a naive foreigner for forgetting how wonderful you are. Truth is, many sleepless nights were spent commiserating over unimaginable burdens Americans endured during 8 years of left wing assaults on freedom. Stand tall, know it was you who neutralized  bleeding heart liberals bent on obliteration of constitutional rights to lose your shit and sink as many bullets as you damn well please into anyone you please. But for patriotic tenacity your bastion of democracy and reason might have fallen into an abyss of conscience reserved for insignificant nations.

Electing a racist, sexist, narcissistic reality television bobble-head president was a step in the right direction. You must have been pissed when he relented on tossing Hillary in jail, confused by his brief period of restraint, buoyed by the return to American values appointment of patriotic climate change denier Scott Pruitt at EPA’s helm. Make room in your hearts for frailties of a celebrity billionaire president elect, he had a lot on his plate. Come inauguration day nasty allegations of rape and fraud will be forgotten, liberation of the greatest nation on Earth is within reach.

Not only does the world support correction of America’s misplaced priorities, we rejoice in cessation of stifling suggestion Americans are fucked in the head over right to bear arms. Don’t be mad at us for doubting your magnificence, we’re only human. I can explain if you suspend belief to imagine the ignorance of not as great nations deprived of rights to defend themselves, yet muddling through their day without fear. That said, we’re elated America is back on track.

Mindful of patriots struggling with post traumatic stress caused by eight excruciating years of liberal jibber-jabber, I offer some irrefutable rays of light. Great American Wayne LaPierre (leader of the NRA) tweeted “our time is now” on hearing election results.

At an NRA-sponsored event Monday, in the desert north of Phoenix, more than 1,000 gun owners and enthusiasts gathered for a so-called 1000 Man Shoot. Men and women from 16 states lined up shoulder to shoulder to fire 1,000 Henry Golden Boy Silver rifles simultaneously. They fired two rounds at a long row of targets. In the cheers after the second, a shooting safety officer in a lime green shirt and red hat said: “Can you hear us now, Hillary?”

“We made history last week,” Pete Brownell, the first vice president of the NRA, told the crowd. “And I have to tell you it feels great to be on offense again.”

Brownell and other gun rights advocates say that they’ve had to be on defense for the past eight years under the Obama administration.

“We’ve always had to be looking out for how our rights are going to be taken away from us as individuals; how our constitutional rights are going to be impinged upon,” Brownell says. “Now, the ball’s going to be in our court.”

Need more assurance? Click on this link –

Silly America, kick yourselves for doubting erosion of greatness. Superiority doesn’t vanish, it retreats, regroups and comes back stronger than ever. High fives for proposed legislation allowing weapons in sports arenas. Admiration for expected abolition of annoying laws preventing concealed weapon permit holders to transport their arsenal across state lines. Laugh out loud when hippies and freaks suggest temperance. Bang bang America – your staggering indifference is an inspiration to those who seek greatness.



Dear America,

I ask that each and every one of you view this video with fresh eyes. Take as much time as you need to clear minds of trending opinion, political affiliation, twitter feeds, partisan news sources, peer pressure, watering hole back slaps, NRA doctrine or simmering mistrust of Barack Obama. Watch privately without fear of judgement, disruptive rhetoric or opinionated guffaws. Watch with eyes open to long forgotten tendrils of hope , imagination and pride in the nation you call home. Above all – watch as a human being. One who values common sense and decency over hysterical propaganda. Watch as an individual, a citizen of the United States of America willing to call bat shit on profit driven gun lobbies. Watch and be brave enough to speak your conscience. Watch with the realization your nation’s future depends on people like you. Citizens with courage to grasp the fact your President isn’t trying to dismantle constitutional rights to arms. Watch quietly then ask yourself – why are you afraid?

A Letter To America

Dear America,

I’m writing to inform you of a grave situation requiring immediate attention. Despite previous correspondence on the subject, your refusal to acknowledge or attempt resolution is troubling. Effective immediately –  it is unacceptable to hide behind the 2nd amendment, your “right to bear arms”  destroys the very fabric of your nation.

Today’s shooting at Seattle Pacific University killed one, injured 3 more. Further carnage – halted by a brave student who disarmed suspect Aaron Ybarra as he re-loaded his gun.  26 year old Ybarra has been arrested – KIRO news in Seattle reports Ybarra obsessed over the Columbine massacre, had traveled to Columbine and wanted to “shoot up a school”.

With flowers still fresh at memorials in Isla Vista California where Elliot Rogers recently killed 6 and injured 7 – America can no longer hide behind illogical protestations of constitutional rights to defend themselves.

Students don’t carry firearms in their lunch pail, movie goers haven’t a hand gun in their popcorn, office workers can’t pull a gun out of holsters. Consistent white washing of the gun problem must cease.  Any chance of regaining your former glory teeters on swift action – failing to pull heads from the sand will be your undoing.

Fooling yourselves with stock answers like ” guns don’t kill people, people kill people” or “mental illness, not guns is the problem” are laughably insufficient. Guns are your biggest problem – easy access to weapons  kills people. Crazy will always be crazy, mental illness is an issue unto itself – handing weapons to “crazy”, refusing to limit semi-automatic weapons, allowing self proclaimed militia groups to stock pile arsenals, bowing to powerful NRA lobby pressure – just makes you crazy.

America – you need to get a grip, snap out of your fuzzy illusions of an outdated constitution – demand gun reform. I know it won’t be easy, I realize your fundamental belief guns keep you safe is hard to shake. I sympathize with the backlash, the onslaught of pressure a new found backbone will create – change is never achieved without the fortitude of ordinary citizens demanding a better world.

Your childish refusal to grasp the gravity of this situation will ultimately lead to demise of the very nation you claim to respect. Stop embarrassing yourselves, all that stands between you and fantasy of your once great nation – is your  pig headed stubbornness to put reason before propaganda. You should be ashamed of yourselves.