Bakker’s Viral Snake Oil


It was only a matter of time, truth be told I’m surprised it took so long. Jim Bakker – remember him? I do. It’s been a while since 1980’s baked Notes stumbled home Sunday morning, lit up television to catch televangelist Jim Bakker’s frenetic gospel culminating in wife Tammy Faye’s tears bleeding mascara from lash tip to chin.

Jim had a good run, ’74 – ’89, 15 years of bank before hush money paid to a church secretary alleging rape and felony fraud conviction forced his resignation. Initially sentenced to 45 years for fraud and conspiracy, on appeal incarceration was reduced to 8 years. Tammy Faye divorced him. Bakker served 5 years, paroled in ’94 owing the IRS $6 million. What’s a disgraced televangelist to do? Start another ministry of course!

In 2003 the Jim Bakker Show began daily broadcasts from Studio City Café in Branson, Missouri. Rehabilitated Bakker condemns “prosperity theology” implicit in his fall from grace. shifting focus to the apocalypse, end times and hawking freeze-dried survivalist rations. Oh Jim, overpriced doomsday food aside you won the lottery when a devotee named Jerry Crawford credited you with saving his marriage, wrote a $25 million dollar check, facilitated a move to Blue Eye, Missouri under the moniker Morningside.

One might dismiss Bakker’s Morningside end times infomercial as buyer beware. Who are we to condemn survivalist lust for pricey dehydrated prunes. Trouble is end times rations have a limited audience, enter miracle cures – that’s where the money is.

For several years Bakker’s ministry has promoted Silver Solution, miracle cure for all sexually transmitted disease, HIV and immunity to any virus. Coronavirus delivered a snake oil televangelist wet dream. On February 12th Bakker asked naturopathic “doctor” Sherrill Sellman – “This influenza that is now circling the globe, you’re saying that Silver Solution would be effective?”

“Well, let’s say it hasn’t been tested on this strain of the coronavirus,” Sellman replied, “but it’s been testing on other strains of the coronavirus and has been able to eliminate it within 12 hours.”

“Totally eliminates it. Kills it. Deactivates it. And then it boosts your immune system, so then you can support the recovery,” she said.

Amidst vacant jibber-jabber an ad appears on the screen. Those seeking a cure for coronavirus or any other illness can purchase four tubes of Silver Solution gel for $80, or Silver Solution variety pack – two bottles of liquid, two of gel and three lozenges for $125.

Fear not, the State of New York said oh hell no Bakker, issuing a cease and desist order. Here’s hoping they mean to follow-up with stern consequences. Surely viral snake oil warrants formal charges. Sheesh!

https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/2020/03/05/ny-attorney-general-televangelist-jim-bakker-stop-peddling-unproven-coronavirus-cures/

 

Noah’s Ark Not Covered By Flood Insurance


Owners of a roadside attraction in Williamstown, Kentucky are suing their insurance company for one million dollars. “Ark Encounter” accuses their insurance provider of acting in bad faith for refusal to cover full cost of damages caused by heavy rain in 2017 & 2018. Star attraction of the Biblical theme park, a 510 foot replica of Noah’s Ark miraculously escaped flood damage, due in part to placement on solid bedrock. At issue is a major landslide from a slope above which eroded structural stability along the access road. A road which carried a annual average of 2.2 million visitors since the park opened in 2016.

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Ponder replica baby dinosaurs caged in the Ark. WTF?!!! http://kentuckytoday.com/stories/group-says-its-warning-schools-about-noahs-ark-attraction,4679

Ark’s insurance provider denied liability compensation on the basis of “design deficiencies and faulty workmanship”. Ark Encounter’s lawsuit accuses the insurer of breach of contract and acting with “oppression, fraud and malice”, a portion of the $1 million they’re after includes punitive damages.

Here’s the thing – Ark Encounter which opened in 2016, received substantial tax credits from the State of Kentucky. Activists like Jim Helton, spokesman for Tri-State Freethinkers cried foul, saying “Basically, this boat is a church raising scientifically illiterate children and lying to them about science”,  “It’s a clear violation of separation of church and state. What they’re doing is utterly ridiculous and anywhere else, I don’t think it would be allowed”, he added.

Ark Encounter spokesman Ken Ham, president of Answers In Genesis, the Christian organization behind the project said the attraction was designed to be “the greatest Christian outreaches of this era in history”.  The park website says – “Many of the animals that lived during Noah’s lifetime didn’t look much like the animals we see today”.  (Creation speak for hey kids you can still play with plastic dinosaurs because God made them 6,000 years ago, look there they are, caged just where Noah put them next to the goats. Don’t see a T-Rex? Read your Bible child and stop asking questions! Look, see the baby dinosaurs? God is wise, God is great. )

I digress. Promise to keep you posted.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/north-america/united-states/articles/noahs-ark-theme-park-unveiled/

 

 

 

Biblical Anti-Vaxxer Jibber-Jabber


Meet anti-vaxxer extraordinaire Brittney Kara. According to her Amazon bio, Brittney is a master NLP practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming) hypnotherapist, nutrition coach, author and mother.  https://www.amazon.com/Brittney-Kara/e/B00EJS3FEM

Anti-vaxxer jibber-jabber has Brittney to thank for a naturopathic epiphany of Biblical proportion – Vaccines are bad because God never mentioned them in the Bible. Seems Brittney decided to Google vaccines in the Bible, when no reference was found she went public. Watch a short video from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNxt-Npm5rNEJ4ySRsilF1A

 

Win The Pope’s Lamborghini


In November 2017 auto maker Lamborghini gifted the Pope a custom Lamborghini Huracan. Thanks but no thanks replied the Vatican, seems the Pope is more of a conservative Popemobile kind of guy. The Vatican asked Sotheby’s in Monaco to auction it for charity in May 2018. The winning bid of over $900,000 US fell through, the Vatican was stuck with a Lamborghini signed and blessed by the Pope.

Pope’s white Lamborghini offered in sweepstakes; winner gets trip to Rome

Pope Francis blesses a Lamborghini presented by representatives of the Italian automaker at the Vatican Nov. 15, 2017. The car will be offered as a prize in a raffle and the proceeds given to charity. (Credit: CNS photo/L’Osservatore Romano.)

So what’s Lamborghini to do with a luxury car signed and blessed by the Pope? Offer the possibility that anyone could drive a blessed Lamborghini of course! For a mere $10 per ticket the prize is staggering. You and a friend flown to Rome, put up in a four star hotel, handed keys to your sweet ride at a ceremony attended by Francis himself and Stefano Domenicali, the CEO of Lamborghini. According to contest entry site Omaze, his Holiness is “gifting it to YOU.” See contest home page link below.

https://www.omaze.com/experiences/pope-francis-lamborghini

Curiously Omaze omits pertinent contest details such as closing date. However, the site is quick to dangle “free spin” perks to those who buy in. The site asserts “Proceeds from this campaign will benefit a number of causes working to transform lives around the world. Your support will help rebuild villages that have been devastated by violence and war, assist victims of human trafficking, provide medical care and education to those living in poverty, and more incredible, live-saving work. Donations will be distributed through Charities Aid Foundation of America [CAFA, a 501(c)(3) public charity] to causes working to support these communities in need.”

Hang on, I stand corrected – buried deep within the fine print a closing date of January 30, 2019 at 11:59 pm PST. Entrants must be 18 and not residents of Belgium, Cuba, Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Singapore, Sudan, Syria or Thailand. Why Belgium? Thailand?

Catholic charity is no stranger to raffling off gifts to the Pope. In 2015, $12 bought a chance to win unwanted Papal gifts including a new four wheel drive Fiat Panda, a Homero Ortega Panama style hat, a leather suitcase, an espresso coffee maker, watches and bicycles gifted to the Pope. It’s hysterical!

In practical terms I suppose the Pope has to do something with all the gifts bestowed upon him. Maybe I’d feel better if proceeds went to victims of Catholic abuse, hard to say let alone put into words how absurd the notion of raffling off a Pope signed Lamborghini strikes me.

Ponder Words Of A Good Christian


This question appeared in my Quora feed – “Why do many atheists attack and offend Christians?” Gone are the days when I might have taken issue, trolls will fish, but I won’t bite. Can’t say why I hesitated, all I know is Connor Cuevo’s answer filled the screen – https://www.quora.com/profile/Connor-Cuevo

Connor Cuevo describes himself as a good Christian, this atheist defines him as a decent human being. Ponder the words of a good Christian –

I’m a Christian here. I also know many atheists.

Have atheists ever scoffed at us when we helped the poor and downtrodden in their affliction?

Did they mock us when we cried, asked the Lord for forgiveness, and resolved to be better people?

Were they spiteful when we were generous with friends and strangers?

Do they attack us when we forgive someone who has wronged us?

Are they offensive when we act with humility, giving glory to God?

When we sought to bring peace, or tend to the sick, or feed the hungry, or visit the imprisoned, or bury the dead, were they hostile?

I have never known an atheist to do any of these things.

I have known atheists to be critical of us, typically when we:

Hoard wealth in our churches.

Justify our sinful behavior.

Shut out and oppress other groups of people.

Lust for blood with impunity.

Boast and act ostentatiously.

Do little or nothing to combat structural violence , systemic poverty or rampant illness.

Be guilty of all these things and still try to impose our “wisdom” on others.

If you are a good Christian, you will probably never get any trouble from atheists. You may even get praise.

In all honesty, I have found that atheists are the most effective force to guide, counsel and affirm Christian values ever devised!

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