Fight Sexual Urges

I couldn’t make this up if I tried. The following is actual copy for Anti-Masturbation Gum or Cream if you prefer to cheat a little….

“Do you struggle with uncontrollable urges? Do you risk death when driving by being unable to keep your hands where they belong? Your days of uncontrollable touching, stroking, rubbing or whatever term you like are over. Say goodbye to calloused and rug burned skin with the careful use of any of these anti masturbation products.

Anti-masturbation gum is preferred by many due to its ability to be used at any time no matter where you are. It has a quick response time so if you’re suddenly plagued by those old standby feelings you can put an immediate stop to them. Your days of embarrassing agony are gone forever as long as you keep a fresh pack of anti-masturbation gum in your pocket at all times.

For a more immediate approach you can use Handz Off anti-masturbation cream. This particular product not only gives an instant relief it also offers a controlled option that allows you to slowly stop rubbing one out. When applying this product try not to massage this cream in for more than 5 minutes, this can actually dull the anti-masturbating ingredients and can in fact be considered masturbation cheating.

For  continuous relief from masturbation urges you can use the new Handz Off anti masturbation car deodorant. Simply hand the deodorizer from your visor and you’ll have a constant fragrance distribution that’s known to prevent any masturbating urges from appearing. This can be very beneficial in protecting your life and lives of others while you’re driving as masturbating while driving can be distracting and dangerous. Always remember don’t masturbate and drive.”

A link…

http://staggeredupon.com/article/anti-masturbation-products-fight-sexual-urges

Are you kidding me! This has to be a joke; I found it advertised on Amazon, but they are currently out of stock. A British website is also out of stock and apologizes that the product is now discontinued – they did how ever have a price posted of .99. Worse still – it’s made in Canada. Holy crap, my head hurts.

 

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22 thoughts on “Fight Sexual Urges

  1. If I hadn’t seen a pic of you holding the package I would have said well there’s something different. But now I’ll say, Well there’s something different. How did you find that in the first place? >KB

    • I caught the last little snippet of someone talking about it on CBC Radio a few months ago.It popped into my head tonight for reasons unknown – I nearly fell out of my chair 🙂 I have to do more research but seem to think this is an off-shoot of a product started in the U.S. by a fundamentalist Christian group. (you know – the same ones who can cure homosexuality)

  2. This is by far one of your strangest post so far. Yet it is very different I will give you that. Just so you know I cant masturbate while driving, because my legs are so short I have to have the seat up way to close to be able to maneuver. 🙂

    • Who masturbates while driving? I’m serious – WTF! Every time I read the pitch my head explodes!It’s doubtful any person who did so could be helped by chewing gum or placing an anti-masturbation air freshener in their car.Bat shit crazy stuff! What is wrong with masturbation? Abstaining while operating a motor vehicle is a no brainer – beyond that stroke away. Yikes 🙂

  3. Hilarious!

    But on a more serious note….

    What I want to know is: How you find time to FIND all these things to ponder, Ponder?

    As for ‘what’s wrong with masturbation’ — well, there you go fighting against decades of little moms telling their sons, ‘if you do it you’ll go blind.’ 🙂

    And as for doing it while driving, if all I had seen through my semi window was JUST rubbing it out I’d feel safe driving once again, but there are so many more creative people who manage two party play while driving that even an inveterate RV’er thinks twice before getting behind the wheel.

    Cheers,
    Peter
    A retired photographer looks at life from behind an RV steering wheel.
    Life Unscripted

    • As for pondering – who knows! I have a lot of information rattling about this old head.

      I find it extremely funny that it never crosses the minds of these anti masturbation nuts – women probably masturbate just about as much as men. Sigh. Hilarious yes – and hysterical on many levels. Yikes; the feminist Notes has her knickers in a knot because this silly gum is marketed for men. Holy crap 🙂

      • As it is, I devote far too much blogging energy towards absurdities of the church. Sometimes I simply let the finer details slide (after all – I just ask people to ponder) With upwards of 600 posts – it’s no secret I don’t believe in God, at the same time I try to politely avoid any opportunity to jump down their throats 🙂

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